Collision || Lee Know

afraid to loose you

"It was my mother who got you into this, right?"

I sighed, slowly sitting up. He watched me, remaining in his position.
"So it's true." I looked around the room, fidgeting with my hands.
"I thought mentioning would make you feel," I tried finding words. "Unwell." He didn't say anything in return.
"After my first photoshooting she wanted to meet up with me. She said she saw potential and people who liked the post approved it. You know, I really wanted to get recognised." He sat up as well. "You know why she said it? Definitely not with the intention for you to be happy..everything but that." I swallowed, "it's a chance, you know it. How can I possibly refuse, Minho?" I locked eyes with him. "I know her intentions. Well enough. I know what I got myself into too, but I'm not changing my decision. Not yet...I wanna achieve even more. I wanna let everyone know that I'm not just untalented, stupid, unworthy or ugly. Even someone like me can become even more than they ever were. I want to change something, especially myself. You know..I really start to like myself. I start to care more about how I look. My appearance is more welcoming and I definitely feel better too..happier. I don't care who it was who got me into this, it's not about her what I'm doing," I told him, laying back down. He remained sitting for a moment. "She'll try to get us apart. Just...don't let it happen." He leaned over me, trying to lock eyes. "I want you to take good care of you, you know how it is..one wrong move and-" I interrupted him. "I know it myself." I stared at the wall in front of my face.

"You know, if you wanna be like this." I heard Minho speak. "Sorry," I said before he could continue. "They keep telling me to be aware and all of this stuff to keep me safe. I know it now. I am careful. I know what's her plan..and I feel weird each continuing day about it, but really... I feel like people treat me like I know nothing." He sighed, "because you indeed...know nothing. Nothing about what it's like to be observed like this... You're new, I'm not. Believe me, no matter how good you think you are in this stuff, even I made mistakes. If I did it, how easy would it be for you to get into a life crisis. Mentally I've been through a lot, do you not get that this is the last thing I wish for you? Every celebrity will tell you the same if you ever ask them.. No matter how happy they look, they've been at least through one thing others don't know about. The business is cruel behind the curtains.. Just remember that. What you want counts nothing at the end, they decide for you..and if you don't play along..well, you can go home, nicely said," he spoke, truly seriously.
I didn't further react.
"I assumed that it was my mother because who else would want you to go through hell? She doesn't like you, she never will. I've realised that soon enough, that's why I'm not going home either. I deeply wished for you to decline her offer, I'm afraid it might really get us apart." I slowly faced him. "What are you talking about? It won't. Do you want her to achieve such thing?" He rubbed his forehead. "Of course I don't. Why would I? The problem is that our different lifes could cause us to live each other apart." I gulped. "If you fight for us, they won't," I mumbled, turning around again. "You get me completely wrong. I'm just concerned, it's not like I want it to", "and I'm telling you that you wouldn't even have to be concerned if you know that it won't-" He interrupted me. "I don't ever want us to break up-" I cut him off, "then we won't! Why are you making such big deal out of it? Just be happy that I'm happy. I'm benefitting out of this as a person.. Just because it went shitty for you, doesn't mean it has to go the same for me." He turned silent, simply staring at me. "Are you being for real? Do you have to take my personal life as a comparison, knowing damn well I trust you a lot with it?" My heartbeat sped up, my hands became sweaty and I deeply regretted my words. "I mean.. You yourself compared it with your life. You said you know how it is..I'm just saying that it doesn't have to go that way for me, since you were concerned about this exact fact," my voice suddenly became calmer and I definitely preferred this tone with him a lot more. "It went shitty for me.. Right, it did. I do am concerned that it might go 'shitty' for you too.. That still doesn't mean that you need to put it straight up like that into one sentence." Why was it so hard for me just giving in?