Collision || Lee Know

Returning home

"That he's fulfilling the duties I have as your boyfriend"

I sighed at the mention of it and hesitately closed Seo-ha's contact again. Our plane was about to land at Gimpo again and I nearly didn't consider how wrong it now was that I was about to ask him to pick me up.. Minho wanted to be the one who cared and simply felt powerless having to see how another one takes over the role. My eyes had scanned the small monitor, showing how far we've already flew and each bit more felt like a slow pressing knife into my chest. I was distancing myself from him again, only that it wasn't physical but also mentally distance. Like it had been my last chance to nicely spend time left with him and I just wasted it by watching us slowly drift apart. I had many questioned, as well as many emotions going on in my head. What now? I wanted to concentrate more on myself.. But suddenly had no inspiration or any clue left of what even made me who I was. I was depending a lot on him.. His opinions, his motivation and his convincing and advises. Now I was basically left alone with it and the fact that there is a huge spot missing in myself which is meant for him, made me suddenly weak like I could just stay in bed and not care about my future at all for the next weeks or eventually even months. I had so many plans, yet none at all. I wanted to achieve so much, now my dreams felt like they're getting blurry, unable to even figure out from afar. I was truly wasted now.. 

I exited the station, taking slow steps towards my house with all my luggage. I was unhappy.. tired and somehow expected it to all be different now, but it wasn't. I felt as empty as I did before he entered my life and even worse. Even the arguments we shared made me learn and value him more afterwards. I'd rather have a huge fight with him right now than leaving while we still love each other at our highest. Due to him I began to feel too much, which now is definitely a disadvantage. I stopped my steps with a heavy sigh, my hands losing each sign of strength, causing my luggage to drop onto the floor. I stared up to the sky as drop followed by drop. Was this supposed to support my mood even more? I'd rather had it sunny in order to blame my eyes tearing up to due the too bright sun shining into my eyes. I hated myself crying since when I did, I acted like a kid whining out loud. Maybe it was because the rare times I ever shed tears, were nearly always around my very young ages. I'd say I always kept the same crying habit. "Why is this happening to me right now?" I sniffed, rubbing my eyes only for my mascara to smear around my whole eye. I wanted to reach for my things, but they halfway fell back onto the floor, causing several things to fall out. I had this quite often lately.. The way my whole body suddenly protested against any sign of strength. The dizziness and and the strange occurring of memory loss. I was stressed.. I knew it too well. The diets they put me on only reduced something that was barely there anymore. The way water was the only thing which was supposed to keep me full for the whole day. I didn't want any of that and especially not now. I wanted to do nothing right now but stay in bed for the next weeks and eventually just sleep through waking up and knowing I dreamt the last year. "Taerim!" It called out, causing me to fastly face the person on the other side of the street. He had pulled over with his car, not caring if it stood at a none parking space. I should have been concerned about myself but somehow my first thought was the fact that he couldn't stand the rain. I stared at him wide eyed as he approached me in fast steps. "What are you.." His feet came to a halt once we were close enough to take a proper look at each other. "Why are you here? What happened?" He frowned, switching in between my eyes. My chin quivered as I noticed that I probably won't be able to pull myself together at all. Tears continued to scream down my face. "I don't what to do, Seo-ha. I love him too much," I whined, standing there completely wasted. I couldn't see his reaction at all since my vision was too blurry but his hands hesitately placed themselves onto my shoulder before he stepped closer, pulling me gently against his body. "Sorry," he simply said.