My brothers best friend (kellin Quinn x Reader)

Chapter 9

It was Nick stood behind me, great.
"I'm just scraping off what's left on my plate that's all" i nervously say quickly walking to the sink to wash my now empty plate "are you sure you're not still hungry you left a lot of food" nick asked bring both his and kellins plates to the sink.

"yeah I had a sandwich not to long ago so I wasn't to hungry anyway" I lie trying to get nick to just drop the situation.

"Ok" Is all he said before walking back into the living room.

I washed and put away the dishes and went and sat on the sofa with nick. Kellin was no where to be seen?
"Where is Kellin?" I said looking over a nick "shower" nick muttered not taking his eyes off the tv.

It had been around 5 minutes of silence as nick just sat and watched what ever crap was on the tv.

I checked my phone for the time and seen it was just gone 9 I didn't bother telling nick I was going to bed he was to Intreated in watching the tv anyway.

As I got to my room all the sadness I didn't know I was keeping in came out making me throw myself into bed and start crying.

I didn't even really no why, was it that I had work tomorrow, the whole food situation or just me in general.

As I let the tears fall onto my now wet pillow I can't help but to let my mind wander picking myself up out of bed and walking over to one of my small drawers.

I get what I need and sit down at my desk pulling down my trousers to show my thigh.

Just let go. let it all out. this will make you feel better. You're nothing anyway just a waste of space. No one wants you here, your brother, your friends and especially Kellin he just feels sorry for the poor fat girl, he doesn't actually care, your own mother doesn't even love you and will most likely kill herself because of you.

all these thoughts run through my mind with every deep cut I took to my un-tattooed thigh slowly moving closer to my stomach before I ran out of places to cut on my thigh.
I moved up to my arms and wrists, with ever cut getting deeper and deeper.

"Y/n you ok" i hear as there was a knock at my door.

I quickly place the blade back in the draw and pull my sleeve down over the fresh bleeding cuts.

I stand up to go to the door and get really light headed Stumbling to the door holding onto the handle for support I opened the door only enough to showing my face.

"Hey, yeah I'm good just tired" I get out trying my best to stay standing and show a fake smile "oh ok then I was going to ask if you wanted to watch a film but if your tired get some rest" kellin says so sweetly giving a sad smile "yeah, um sorry I've got work tomorrow as well otherwise I would Have" I give a sad smile back putting my hand on my head feeling a massive headache start "holy shit y/n your bleeding, are you ok" kellin points out the blood stains on my hand and pushes the door open making me step back showing my blood stains pyjama bottoms and jumper.

"I'm sorry" is all i could mutter before crying. Kellin stood there in silence just looking at me for a moment before pulling me into a soft hug trying his best not to hurt me.
all I could do was cry, this was the last thing I wanted tonight for Kellin to find me like this, for anyone to find me like this.

Kellin pulled away looking really upset with tears in his eyes "I don't know what to say to you kellin im sorry I really am" I blurt out before kellin cuts me off "I don't care about that right now I need to get you cleaned up and make sure you're ok" kellin grabs my hands pulling me towards my bedroom door.

"No, please no" I quietly shout "I don't want to go to the hospital please kellin" more tears fall from my eyes as I tried to pull back "we need to get you help now" kellin says back pulling my towards the door again
"I'm not going kellin" I say pulling my hand out of his and falling back into my desk "I'll be just fine kellin this isn't the first time now please leave me alone" I say disappointed in myself for letting kellin see me like this.

"fine if you're not going to go to the hospital I'll help you out myself but if it's that bad And I can't help we have to go to the hospital ok?"
I nodded at kellin trying my best not to look him in the eyes.

I instantly felt guilty. I had been doing so well keeping clean and now look at me I'm covered in my own blood.
The first night of my new start at this house was meant to be happy and exiting to leave behind all the shit that happened before but I couldn't let go of the past and went back to my old ways. I was a useless mess.