His Fia

CHAPTER 7

I wake up suffocated by Carlos, who's almost fully squashing me with his weight. I grunt and roll away, dramatically breathing to try and wake up the sleeping beauty beside me.

"Don't move Fia," he mumbles, "Not yet," he says, pulling me back to him, snuggling his face into the crook of my neck. I sigh and wrap my arms around his shoulders, tracing meaningless lines on his back. He wraps his arms tightly around my waist as his breathing evens up, falling back asleep. I sigh again and rest my head on his shoulder, rethinking the events from last night.

I used Carlos for sex. And I hate myself for it. I used him to forget my Father, like a toy I can bring out whenever I'm feeling down. And I hate it. I hate myself for it. I can't bring myself to be around Carlos anymore when I know I'll do that again. I know I'll go to him for more sex when I need to feel someone else's hands on me. I fucking hate myself for that. I can't just stay here to use Carlos as a distraction, it's not healthy for either of us and it's not fair to him. I know he guarantees me protection, but then again I'm Ophelia fucking Aubert.

I don't need a man to protect me, I've trained my entire life, I am more than capable when it comes to protecting myself.

I need to leave today.

I know Carlos will try to get me to stay but I can't, it just won't work. And I won't let myself feel that disappointment again, I won't let myself be hurt like that.

"Carlos," I say quietly, lightly tapping his shoulder. He stirs but doesn't wake and I let out a frustrated sigh; "Carlos wake up," I say louder, causing him to blink and look up at me. "I have to leave now," I say, not missing the hurt look in his eyes. "No you don't Fia, you're safe here," he rasps, and I bite the inside of my cheek as I slowly sit up. "Carlos I know how to look after myself," I whisper, and by the look in his eyes I know he knows I'm right.

"I have shit I need to get to," I explain as he sits up across from me. He nods and runs a tired hand through his hair, "Can't you make your hits from here?" he asks, the way he's fighting making my stomach churn with guilt. I shake my head and sigh again, "I have to leave Carlos, we both know that," I say gently. He lets out a breath and nods, "Ok Ophelia, I trust you," he says slowly.

'Ophelia,'

He said my full name. And it makes me sick. It shouldn't, but it does.

"Do you have a place to stay?" he asks, looking at me with regretful eyes. I nod, putting on a small smile, "Can I take one of your bikes? I won't need anything because my apartment has stuff in it,"

He smiles back and nods, standing off the bed, "Take a helmet too," he says as I stand up too. He walks over to the door and unlocks it, opening it as I walk out. He doesn't say anything as we walk to the garage, saying a quick goodbye to Donna as we pass through the kitchen.

Once we get to the garage Carlos motions towards the smallest bike, handing me a helmet.

"Thanks for having me," I smile, trying to push down the guilt which still swarms my stomach. He shrugs as I put the helmet on, "If you need anything just give me a call," is all he says. I give him one last smile before getting on the bike, revving it as I say my last goodbye and speeding out of the garage, the front gates opening as I approach them, immediately shutting as I exit the estate.

A small tear slips out of my eye as I realise we didn't say a proper goodbye. It was so fucking sudden. No hug, no last 'Fia', nothing. And it's my fault. I'm still wearing his hoodie for fucks sake.

But it's for the best, I had to leave, it was best for both of us. I have work I need to attend to, and I couldn't stay there to use Carlos as a distraction. It's not fair on him.