His Fia

CHAPTER 58

I frown as I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes scanning down my body.

I'm wearing a black dress, down to my ankles as it hugs my body, exaggerating my baby bump.

"So pretty," Carlos murmurs, coming up behind me as he places his hands on my waist.

I lean back against him, smiling at his black suit, fuck he looks so hot right now.

"Ready to leave?" he asks softly, and the heaviness in my chest returns.

It's Mama's funeral today.

I knew this day had to come, but now that it has, it feels like my body is being is crushed. It feels like it's al happening again.

That I'm losing Mama for the second time. Her funeral makes everything feel real, as if making me realise that this isn't just a bad dream I can wake up from.

"I'm right here Fia, I'm with you the entire time," Carlos whispers, leaning down as he kisses my forehead.

I hum in response, nodding as I lean against him. He wraps an arm around me, resting his hand on my belly, which has become a habit now.

I take another deep breath as we start walking out of our room and down the stairs.

Adelyn and Luca left a few minutes ago, and now the house feels emptier than ever.

I'm speaking at the funeral too. I wrote a small speech on Mama, and I already know I'm going to ball my eyes out.

We walk to Carlos' car and he opens the door for me, giving me a quick kiss before shutting the door and walking around to the drivers side.

He gets in and locks the car, starting it as he places a hand on my knee.

I interlock our fingers as he pulls out of the driveway, my body feeling numb once again.

I don't even feel sad anymore. It's as if I've finally accepted that Mama's dead and that she's not coming back. I feel as though my body is past mourning, and it's just numb.

And I hate it.

I hate that I don't feel sad. I should still feel sad. But my body doesn't feel anything anymore. And that scares me.

I don't have any tears left to cry, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I don't feel sad anymore.

Why don't I feel sad anymore? I should still be mourning her death, but it's as if my body's given up.

Carlos gently squeezes my hand, not saying anything as his eyes remain on the road; a gentle reminder that he's still here.

I feel a pit forming in my stomach as I see my speech poking out of Carlos' pocket, the ink filled paper reminding me that I have to speak in front of everyone.

It's only a small service, with Mama's remaining family and closest friends.

She lost a lot of people she once considered to be her closest friends after she divorced my Father, and that has always haunted me.

I always felt guilty for that, since it was my fault Mama divorced him. He was the love of her life, completely unaware of the abuse he subjected me to for so long.

And I think that's why she stayed with him even when he was cruel to her. She couldn't shake the image of their once happy, love-filled relationship out of her mind.

Until I told her about everything, that is.

When I told her I saw her entire world shatter, and that image has always stuck with me.