Chapter 36 ~ Why Am I So Lonely?

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I miss him, I miss my friends, I miss people. I feel so far away from everyone. He was my best friend. They were my rock. All these people I wish I had right now. I'm in a new phase of my life and I need a support system to get me through it. But I keep longing. Everyday I'm longing. And I can't even find a song or a voice that will describe my feelings accurately enough.

I have a lot going on. It's been hard to work lately because I've been feeling so tired, waking up crazy early. I've been procrastinating at work. I've been longing to be with my friends. Longing to get more sleep. Missing my old life. Feeling guilty for not being more grateful for my new life. Not knowing what's wrong with me. Liking someone.

All I want is energy to get me through the day. Energy and motivation. I didn't even really want to write all of this down because I didn't want to think about it. I don't want to think about being lonely. I thought my lonely days were over. I don't want to think about people because I miss them. I just want to have enough energy to get work done. I want to have enough energy to get up and accomplish my goals. I don't want to always be tired and want to sleep and be lazy all day. I want to enjoy this time. I want to be extremely close to God. But it's so difficult when I just want to go back to my old life. I didn't like every aspect of it and hated some parts of it, but I miss him and I miss them. I don't want to be in another lonely season, even though growth usually requires being in a lonely season. I just hate it.

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