A Journey Through Time

Chapter 3 ~ Water & Rebirth

I finally made it to some water. As predicted, it was really warm and the entire day I was itching to go to the pool and step into some water. At first, I wasn't sure if I should go because I didn't have a bathing suit, but I made it work with a pair of biker shorts and bra top. And I walked all the way to pool.

On the way there, I was listening to a video and it was telling me a lot of the lessons I already knew. The biggest lesson I learned from it was to follow my spark of excitement and curiosity, which is something that has been hard for me to find. But just walking to the pool alone felt good.

Even though the sun was hot, I didn't mind it. When I made it there, I immediately put my feet in the water. And so far everything that I was doing, which was simply going to the pool and feeling the water, felt right. I didn't know what God was going to do. So I just went along with it.

And then I saw everyone around me. There were people playing volleyball, couples hanging out with each other, people lounging and swimming. And then that's when it just hit me. For so long it was so hard for me to see people relax and have fun, because I wasn't able to do that. It would bring up a lot of resentment for me. Especially because I was alone most of the time, tired and stressed. But God was telling me to just face all of that.

There were a few moments where I just cried, because everyone around me seemed so childlike and free, even though they were around the same age as me. There were no worries or fears. It was all fun and play. And that feeling was something that I've been longing for. God showed me that being able to see it fully was going to help me believe that having that kind of life was possible. That I was basically living that life right now. I was finally taking a break and having fun at the pool, doing something I haven't been able to do in such a long time.

I marveled at how, when I was a kid, every summer I was in the pool almost every single day. I had no worries or fears. Of course I was an excelling student, and I still made time to read books and work on school work. But I had to make time for play. I played with my sister all the time. When my mom would take us to the park, I would see other kids playing and my sister and I would go and play with them. We weren't scared of rejection ever, and always made new friends every time we went.

When I was at the pool, it was like seeing and feeling a glimpse of my childhood all over again. I jumped into the pool without a care. I was being goofy in the pool, dancing and swimming backwards. The only thing that felt good in that moment was swimming around. And that's exactly what I did. And then afterwards I dried off in the sun. And I drank a bottle of juice I had brought with me while listening to a calming playlist. I finally felt aligned.

In those moments, God told me that when it comes to choice, it doesn't have to be something crazy. If my mind is telling me to read an article, I should just read it. Following my heart when it comes to small intuitive decisions will ultimately lead up to me following a bigger purpose and goal for myself. I can truly trust Him. I don't have to worry so much. I'll basically be ok. I have to let any and all the opportunities come to me and stop chasing things.

I was determined to just listen to my heart more. It's the one thing that makes me feel the most connected and in tune with myself. And that day was the first time I truly felt in tune in a LONG time. And it's like duh, I had to give myself a chance to play in order to feel like a kid again. The answer was literally right in front of me.

I had no idea this realization would come to me by just going into some water. All God was telling me was to be by water. Water is a symbol of birth, rebirth, and life and I felt like I was being born again. I finally felt the life inside of me. I felt like a young child again. Connected with a side of me that I had forgotten. And I want to keep connecting with that little girl I used to be.