A Journey Through Time

Chapter 83 - Feelings (Again And Again)

Bad > Tired > Unfocused
(don't know what to do with my life, have no specific goals, don't know what to focus on)

Bad > Bored
(bored doing the same things everyday)

Bad > Stressed > Overwhelmed
(overwhelmed by all of my options and unsure of what to choose for my next move)

Bad > Busy > Pressured
(pressured to get a higher paying job and make money, pressured to get a degree I may never use, pressured to choose a path when I have no idea what I want to do)

Surprised > Confused
(confused as to what to do next, confused as to why I'm feeling all of these emotions all at once, thought I was doing just fine)
(don't know if I should stay at my job or leave, and if I leave, what my next job should be)

Sad > Lonely
(not making the time to talk to people because I'm too tired and don't have the time or privacy to have conversations, tired of talking to friends about my poor mental health, sad that all my friends moved away or live far away, my favorite colleagues are leaving so soon, nobody I connect with the most seems to stay within reach, I'm always left alone)

Sad > Depressed > Empty
(each day can feel meaningless, activities I used to enjoy don't satisfy me anymore, don't feel passionate about anything)

Angry > Mad > Frustrated
(tired of feeling like this, frustrated that I can't be content with myself no matter what I do, wish my emotions weren't so complex so that I could express them with ease, wish there was a solution)
(wish I was taken seriously and people can see me for the age I really am and not the age I look like)
(wish I knew what I wanted in life)

Angry > Mad > Jealous
(everyone around me seems to be doing so much better than me, everyone drives and is more independent than me, everyone is in more successful relationships than me, everyone is happier than me, everyone is less sensitive than me, everyone knows what they want to do with their life except for me, I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but I can't help feeling jealous every now and then)

Angry > Distant > Withdrawn
(always isolate myself because it's easier to exist when I'm completely alone, even though it hurts being alone, sometimes loneliness is the only rest we get)

Fearful > Weak > Insignificant
(wish I could contribute more to my family, feels like nothing I do is enough, if only I had a better job, my mom could quit hers and stop being stressed over it, wish I could just save my family so we don't have to struggle or worry anymore)

Fearful > Anxious > Worried
(worried about never becoming a fully independent adult, worried about not passing the drivers test, worried about what work will look like now that everything is going to change, worried about my own mental health since it seems like I keep declining)
(worried about how people would view me if they really knew the real me, the dark and depressed version of me, the version of me that's just so annoyed with myself, fear people would reject me by not accepting me for who I am, worried I haven't full accepted me, worried if I could ever fully accept me)

Happy > Peaceful > Thankful
(this is actually the best my life has been, the work itself doesn't stress me, I have time to engage in hobbies and a morning routine, I have free therapy, a beautiful home, best friends, family, a yorkie, a healthy work environment, etc, so many things I am genuinely grateful for, which is why I'm confused as to why I haven't been happy still, why nothing seems to satisfy me or bring me true joy, why I can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me)