A Journey Through Time

Chapter 57 ~ The Conversation

I hate myself. I have been feeling awful and I haven't shared what I've been feeling with anybody.

One thing that has bothered me has been feeling like a burden. I still feel like a child. I feel powerless.

I haven't share how I am feeling with anyone because I am scared. I don't want people to see me cry about it. I don't want to embarrass myself. I just want to fix my situation already but I can't. I'm tired of suffering in silence.

I don't know what it is I need. But I'm tired of keeping everything in. I want to be authentic but I hate who I am. How am I supposed to share about myself if I don't even like the person I am portraying?

I hate myself because I believe I'm supposed to be different. I'm not applying what I've learned.

I don't know what tools would help me. Nothing has worked.

I tried therapy and it hasn't worked.

I hate myself and I don't know what to do. I've had suicidal thoughts before but I know better than to go through with them. But that doesn't take away the fact that I still have them. I don't want to live anymore, yet I'm still here. It feels like I'm just waiting for my demise to happen. I don't want to do anything else with my life.

The other reason I don't want to share my feelings is because I am tired of talking about them. Yes, I wish I could be authentic and share my feelings but that doesn't always helps. I always journal my emotions, yet I still feel this way. I share my feelings here, yet I still feel the same. I'm always going to feel this way. I've been feeling this way for years. Almost my whole life. I'm never going to like myself. There's always going to be a flaw or something about myself that I despise. And I can't ignore the voices in my head, no matter how much I try. I know how I am thinking is dangerous. But I feel like I'm already too far gone.

What if I don't reach out to anyone?

What if I choose to do nothing?