A Journey Through Time

Chapter 62 - Acceptance

All I need is acceptance. Accepting that he's gone and that God has blessed me greatly, whether I deserve it or not. Accepting all my situations. All the good and the bad that may not even be that bad. I'm ok. I've lived through another year. The end of my life has not yet arrived. Which means I have more blessings from God to enjoy and more that life has to offer. And I do want to accept it all.

In my heart, I feel as if I'm lacking, even though that is not true. I miss him. I miss him more than anything. It's easy to believe that I don't have the kind of love he offered. I feel as if I'll never find the friend I had in him again. But that isn't true. I have friends that can be there for me the way he was there. There's so many more people I haven't met yet. I have to create those new opportunities for myself. I have to meet more people and allow the possibilities to be endless. I lost the love of my life, but I can love other people. My attention has to shift to others. I have no other choice.

Part of it will have to be distracting myself with other things so that my mind is elsewhere. The other part would be tailoring the distractions so that I'm gaining something from them. Whatever it is, I have to expand myself. I have to do stuff to stop thinking about him once and for all. Thinking of him doesn't help me. As long as he's gone, there's literally nothing else I can do.

I have a new life. I have new priorities and new goals. Those things should be more important to me.

I don't care what people think of me. I can't change me and none of it ends up mattering anyway. I'll still just be here, living and the world will end when it is time. I'm tired of trying to defend myself even though I always have the urge to when I'm mad. If I make a mistake then oh well. I'll fix it and then it will be another day.