Sunset in Paradise

CHAPTER 31 (Misguided Firefly)

*Reina*

I felt uneasy and alone.

Ngayon ko na lang ulit naramdaman ito sa tinagal-tagal ng panahon na nagsama kami ni Miles.

I felt like I didn't know him anymore. I felt he was gradually changing. From the way he spoke to the way he treated me, he was way off and way different, I could sense that there was an invisible barrier that I couldn't get through, that he couldn't let me in.

He started to become defensive and reserved, the once happy and spontaneous small talks we had before became games of bicker and sparks of argument.

He became detached and silent which I am really worried about. The comforting warmth of our home that we had before is completely gone. What I had was a grumpy and bitter partner who was also the one who supported me and pushed me to my limits before, he is gone now.

And I felt I was to blame, I pushed him away, too far that he took that deep and scarred him. It took a long way for me to recover and keep my thoughts to myself until it broke him and made him walk away. He's still with me but I felt he was way too far from me.

I missed the guy I married. I missed the old Miles.

I wished I had someone to talk to about this. I was hurting but I don't want him to know. It gave me sleepless nights and long hours of loss in thought that it affected my job and it started to deteriorate my health.

Too much stress and loss of appetite. It generally affected me in a major way that I lost 10 kilos of my weight.

It also triggered an eating disorder, the moment I ate some food, I threw them up right away. It got me so chaotic at work that Tita Theresa forced me to take my sick leave. She gave me an indefinite leave until I got better, which I felt was a temporary suspension.

I didn't tell him because I didn't want to burden him with worries, he's starting to pick himself up again, and I don't want him to hold back because of me.

And learning that he's back again to ace up his game, it's selfish of me to become the cause of his another setback. He had been asking for this chance really hard and waited way too long.

Mas gusto ko nang sarilinin na lang ang nararamdaman ko kaysa idamay ko siya. Ayokong maging dahilan pa ako ng pagkaantala ng progress niya. Mas magiging masaya ako kapag nakikita ko siyang masaya sa ginagawa niya. Di bale nang hindi niya ako maalagaan, di bale nang nahihirapan ako, basta nakikita kong nag-i-improved siya araw-araw.

Masaya na 'ko dahil masaya na ulit siya.

“Ano na? Parang mga tanga naman ang mga 'to oh,” sabay dukwang ni Benny sa pizza.

“Umpisahan na kasi, puro kayo picture,” at pumilas na ito ng dalawang slice mula sa family-sized overloaded cheese and meat combo na best-seller ng sikat na pizza parlor na kinakainan namin.

Kasalukuyan kasi kaming nagkita-kita, nagkayayaan lang at naging bonding na rin namin.

Matagal ko rin silang di nakita mula nung kasal namin ni Babe.

“Grabe ka naman, Benny! Ang takaw mo talaga!” awat agad ni Sab at pinagparte-parte na ang mga slice sa aming anim.

“Ang ingay n'yo, pinagtitinginan na tayo oh,” singit ni Casper na kasama ang bagong gf.

Ngumiti lang sa amin si Tiffany habang nagkakagulo silang dalawa nina Benny at Sab.

Bumaling sa akin si Devlin. “Oy, bakit wala kang imik dyan?”

Ngumiti lang ako at sumimsim ng in-house iced tea. “Wala, pagod lang,”

“Di ba naka-leave ka? Sabi mo sa last chat mo sa 'kin,” binuko naman agad ako ni Sab na sumubo na rin ng pizza.