I just listened to a recording from November 2nd of 2021.
Back then I had no idea of what to do with my life. I was adapting to everyone and everything.
Reality hit me, as soon as I came back. I had a lot of guilt. Guilt of making up my best friend's words and actions. Guilt of messing everything up with God. My sister. I realized that I had it all wrong. I was wrong about my own feelings, about my maturity. I had to pull myself out of fantasy land, because that's where I was.
But now that it's been 2 years since then I know what I did. And I know what I felt, and why I did it. Nothing justified the bad. I had no excuse.
I held on to my best friend for as long as I did because some part of me really loved him; I said that to him that one time. Deep down I did, even though I was immature and even though I knew he was never going to love me back.
I was immerse in him for almost 3 years. Important years of my life, considering I was starting my adulthood. Leaving him was painful, but I knew I had to follow my gut. "Time will show you why you're making the right decision." Can't remember if someone said this to me or if I did, maybe both. But Jehovah helped me a lot after. Jehovah still loved me despite I ignored him for years. That is a guilt I still carry but that I'm slowly letting go.
Jehovah has shown me time and time again that he still loves me. Honestly the biggest guilt comes from forgetting about him for 7 years of my life. I was always leading a double life, without even noticing. I was half here half there. And just now, from 23 to 24 years old... I'm learning how to truly love Jehovah. To make my whole heart belong to him.
It's been a long long process of spirituality and self improvement...
