I think my best friend moved on.
I think I accepted my mistakes but at times I still feel guilty. I feel guilty when looking back. That's the thing about mistakes. When you're the one who makes them, it takes longer to get over them. And the person who is the victim gets over it faster and moves on with their lives.
I think I moved on in a way. But, you know, sometimes I seriously wonder if I'm ever gonna feel the same way again. I wonder if I'll ever find a man I can have such a bond with. Because, when you put the mistakes aside, we had a good friendship. It was mostly jokes, and he understood me so well. And even though he was hard to crack I did my best to understand him.
I think I miss being understood. Being listened to. I value that a lot.
I believe people take pieces of myself when they leave. I thought about what he took from me. Some of my words... my metaphors. Seeing the details of a person... gifting maybe? And maybe being a gentleman, I remember teaching him lol. And feeling more... I don't know.
He taught me patience... he made me grow up. He made me understand myself more. He taught me what a real friend is because he would always take me back, without complaining, even though he had many reasons to. And because he was honest with me from the day we became friends.
I miss him, once in a while. I don't know why I'm crying right now stop Danna... It's been a long time now...
I'm happy for him, I am. He deserves happiness. And I knew it, I knew he would marry someone first, I told him that once and he didn't believe it but there you are, on your way to marriage... you used to say you were never going to marry but I knew you were hurting back then.
I thought I was gonna feel heartbroken by the news. I mean I felt like my heart stopped for a second but I mostly felt surprised. Then happy. Then a bit jealous. But overall I'm glad you're doing well, I'm glad that you are enjoying your life... Even if I'm not there to see it.
You know there's times I wanna talk to you and ask you how you've been but I can't. I'd rather ask your sister... I don't wanna be an intruder in your life, not after leaving and coming back so many times.
Deep inside I didn't fully forgive myself.
