If there was a way to stop wishing I would but there is no way unfortunately. Accepting my feelings only made them stronger...
Once they're stronger it's like a mental battle all over again. That I have to tell myself he won't look for me or won't do what I want him to do for me. That I have to stop wishing for more but my heart won't listen and get sad from the unmet expectations.
And that I have to not be selfish and not take up his time, and protect myself from the imminent rejections, and constantly tell myself he's not for me even though I internally don't believe it. And tell myself I'm gonna meet someone else in the future... even though I wish it was him I tell myself it won't be... and I try...
