My friend read me. She said I am tough, but she understands why.
She asked me if I feel lonely.
I replied with, "I am used to be alone now".
But she insisted. "Do you ever feel left out..?"
"Not necessarily." I said. I felt weird by the question. She was uncovering my fragility and I didn't like it.
Those questions left me thinking. Do I look that vulnerable?
I don't feel lonely. But I do feel like I could use a friend. I have friends but some live far away.
And some I only talk to when it's important... or when I get a chance. We all have busy lives.
At the same time I want to have a friend I can go out with regularly, or talk to regularly.
But maybe it is toxic of me to expect attention in the daily. That's why I'm accepting what I have now.
I could make more time for others, so it's not all on them. It's also on me to make plans, to take the initiative. I'm used to being a hermit but I like company.
