Songs aren't that important... unless they suck or are vulgar then yeah.
Things to have in common matters, but you don't have to have everything in common.
Taste in food maybe. He's gonna get something spicy at some point😂.
In the end I think I know why he ran away from me.
Because I'm immature. Because he listened to what I said...
"I don't go to the gym" "I like spicy food" "I talk to my parents but I don't tell them absolutely everything.." "A person's personality matters more than looks"
— and he didn't like it.
We had different lifestyles and ways of thinking. I think that he was honest though. I wasn't honest enough to admit that I care about looks more. But that doesn't mean personality is less important. Is equally important.
I think he gives off a jerk vibe. That's what stops me. And when someone tells him what he's doing wrong he ignores it. Like he just listens but doesn't do anything at first. Hopefully he acts after... but that's a flaw... not his whole character.
I think I give off an immature girl vibe. He probably wonders why I don't have a car yet, or why I'm not pioneering, or why I haven't accomplished any goals in life, and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want an immature girl... he wants someone who's already accomplished her spiritual goals, someone who knows what she wants... someone mature and responsible. He wants to see that. Otherwise... I'm just another girl who's half there...
I think I'm just looking for excuses not to like him. Because he has it all. He has the looks. He's confident. Extroverted. Responsible. He has his own car, a good job that allows him to pioneer. He pioneers... he's close to his family. He goes to the gym. He has a good self esteem you know? And he knows what he wants. He's spiritual...
I have to work on my self esteem... and spirituality. My motivation has always been men. Like to chase after them... and it's lame. It's lame that that's how I've spent my youth.
I don't wanna waste the 6 years of youth I have left. (No, after your 20's you're not old but you know what I mean).
I think I have a problem with myself... I always
involved myself in toxic patterns... but I don't want to do that anymore. For the first time in my life I wanna get out of that. I want to grow up. Not dramatize things so much in my head...
I don't even know why I'm so desperate about him. That's another thing about myself that makes me doubt. The only reason I like him is because I don't put my mind into other things. And because there's no one else in my way. But those aren't good reasons, that is liking someone for no reason at all. Liking someone just because.
I don't know why I get the weird feeling that maybe in the future he'll look for me. I want him on the inside you know? I kinda tell Jehovah to please save him for me. But honestly that is up to me.... Jehovah won't give him to me if I don't do anything. I gotta act fast... gotta grow up and stop being toxic. By toxic I mean dependent and childish. I gotta become spiritual. If I'm not spiritual I won't respect Jehovah's norms about coupling. My relationships won't succeed as long as I keep delaying my progress.
I think I'm gonna clean my room and read that article that my mom sent about maturity...
