I'm tired of Boyfriends. And I'm tired of me. Why chase around boyfriends like those in the song?
I had someone who was avoidant.
Then someone who would say everything...
Honestly I liked that he was open. Until he started talking and doing things that were inappropriate or unnecessary and that's when I started feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed.
But instead of stopping him and saying: "hey that's not okay" I would pretend those things didn't bother me.. and follow him. I did try to stop him a couple times though. I almost felt like I was about to explode because my conscience wouldn't stop bothering me. And I would tell him to stop being selfish... to not ignore what I was telling him because he would ignore me when I'd say stop. Women are to nurture and protect, not use for selfish desires. If he doesn't stop he doesn't respect you. He didn't respect me at all. After telling him no countless times he did stop. Problem was I had said yes before so now that I was saying no he wouldn't understand, because why would he understand if I was allowing him before? Why before and not now?
I was stupid honestly. I tried to please him but that resulted in me detesting myself. In me taking the blame because I was allowing it. I wasn't honest about how I felt. I was fake and would pretend just to please him. I was fake even when being jealous. I saw that that made him happy so every time he would bring her up I'd call her witch or something like that. But what about me though? What about what makes me happy? What about how I wanna be treated?
I'm tired of Boyfriends who don't respect me.
Is wishing for a gentleman a fantasy? I'm I expecting too much?
It isn't because Isaias exists. I just haven't found him yet.
I just wanna grow up more until I'm ready for a real man.
