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chap. fifteen

lorena rested me down in the chair after bringing me to her office (from the elevator and towards). i thanked her and she sat down around her desk and stared intensely at me.

"i have a question," i brought up, seeing as she wasn't gonna say anything.

"go ahead, ask." lorena motioned for me to ask my question.

"after that kiss," i started off, picking my next words wisely, "does our relationship change?"

"change how?"

"you know," i said, "i don't just want to be someone who you kiss whenever."

lorena raised her eyebrows.

"now i think you're jumping the gun here, marielle." i looked at her face for any sort of lies and then i looked into her eyes to see what stood behind them.

nothingness.

oh.

"im sorry. i just thought—"

she cuts me off with her laugh.

"i was just joking. damnit, the way your face fell was priceless." she grinned and i looked away from her.

i sounded so desperate, eager to be something more, almost as if i was waiting for this.

"we can take our 'relationship' to the next level, yes, which would be the talking stage." lorena said as she stared me down. i finally found her eyes once more and she gives me a soft smile, "we'll go as slow as you want."

i nodded. it was silent for a bit, my mind clouded with thoughts. what ifs and buts. my mouth opened before i could stop it.

"i have so many questions, lorena. we cant just go into something like that. you're you, a mafia boss, donna to the most feared and populated mafia, the head of the government, you have power."

"is it the status that's bothering you?"

"no. i don't mind who you are but just," i sighed, "how would this work?"

"like any other relationship." lorena looked at me weirdly, "unless you haven't been in a relationship."

"im innocent but not that innocent. of course i have been in a relationship," i rolled my eyes at her.

"so i don't see what's the problem."

i shook my head but didn't say anything.

lorena leaned forward onto her table, resting her chin in her palms.

"tell me what you're thinking. you seem to have a lot going on in your mind." she said and i looked at her, "everything."

i took a deep breath and started telling her how i felt about the situation.

"you're the head of a mafia, right and im just an ordinary girl, someone with no status in the underworld. lets say we do work out, like get into dating and all, it gets into the media that you have a... girlfriend and you know how it works, would there be targets on my back trying to get to you and stuff? would i be made your donna? would i be killing people?" i used my hands to express myself whilst talking so that it would be easier to get the words out while trying to get across my point.

"now let's say we don't work out. would you kill me? would i continue to be your personal cleaner? what would happen? would you still keep me around?" i paused, "now back to if we do work out and we're dating and it hasn't been made official to the public as yet, word will be around that im your slut and your personal whore just as i am your cleaner. i would be shamed, degraded by your people and called numerous stuff." i looked at her and saw her listening keenly to me. "its just a lot in my mind right now. i know it's my stupid overthinking but i never expected this. you are deemed to be this cold killer who shows no emotions, only for it to not be true. you are a killer, yes, but you show emotions. you smile, you laugh, you talk a lot and you're very social. the media made it out to seem like you're someone who's just so closed off. im not sure what to think, what to do or what to expect." i finished voicing my thoughts, all in honesty.

lorena leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath.

"i want to thank you for being honest with me about what you're thinking. i don't blame you for thinking what you're thinking, knowing that this is the mafia world and with who i am." lorena started, "im not saying that it's gonna be easy but it'll take teamwork and effort. i am a human who has feelings and i am bound to show emotions, marielle. the public just doesn't sees that side of me. emotion is viewed as a weakness in the outside world where the media sees all. as for our relationship, i can't promise you that someone won't be out to get you. i have enemies, a lot of them, ive even lost count. you won't need to kill anyone to be my donna, killing doesnt make you a ruler." lorena paused before talking and she once more leaned forward. her eyes narrowed into slits at me.

"there's no if we don't work out, we're gonna work out. now that's not a threat but im telling you how it is. if you have a problem, we'll talk it out. just like how every relationship is supposed to work." lorena said, "i don't want you to feel unsafe with me, at all. i am dangerous but to you, you're safe. capito, piccola?"

i tilted my head at her in confusion at what the end meant but i picked up on it quickly and nodded.

"yes, yes. i copy."

lorena chuckled, "it means 'understood', love."

"oh," i blushed in embarrassment.

lorena smiled.

"i think we're going to be fine, marielle. i just... feel it."

i smiled at her optimistic thoughts, "if we try then i don't see why we won't."

lorena kept her smile on her face.

if i didn't know her in the mafia world, looking at her, i couldve never guessed that she is the donna of the most feared mafia.

she looks too sweet.

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