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chap fo. five

marielle hollis

after lorena finished her breakfast, i washed up whilst Lorena rested up. after i finished doing the dishes, i turned on the tv and found Netflix and clicked on the movie i started watching a week back - the oa. (THIS MOVIE IS SUCH BS. unnecessary plot 'twists'- its drawn out ong)

i let it play out and turned to lorena.

"what do we need to talk about?"

"the entire situation about you getting intoxicated." she responded. "i want to start off by apologizing for what i said to you and for snapping at you."

i nodded as she spoke. Lorena avoided looking at me and i could tell that she was nervous, in a way.

"it's okay. beyonce told me that you have a bad history with drug abuse so i understand. even if you didn't have any history with it, i understand why you reacted the way that you did." i played with my fingers as i spoke, cracking them and twisting them.

lorena still haven't looked at me and it only made me even more curious as to what the history with this 'drug abuse' is about.

"may i ask what happened?" i said slowly.

"yeah." she responded. "i'd tell you eventually. i just wish it wasn't under these circumstances."

"if you're not ready to then that's okay." i assured her. i wasn't going to force her to tell me anything that she didn't want to.

"no, i want to." Lorena chuckled and that was when she finally looked at me. "i really don't mind. I'm just saying the situation is not really suited... for it."

i nodded in understanding.

"my sister, morgana, died from substance abuse." oh. "no one knew she was using substances and doing stuff she wasn't supposed to be doing. i mean she was an adult and all and she could do whatever but she had a christian husband and they vowed to stay in church so you know, drugs and church doesn't really mix." i nodded, letting her know i knew what she meant. "so after she died, we found out about all the stuff she's being doing. gangs, gangbangs, drugs, sex trafficking and everything mama and papa stood against. morgana and i were very close so losing her took a lot from me and it just made me automatically... dislike anyone who does drugs."

i processed the information.

"how long ago did she die?"

"5 years ago."

i nodded slowly and averted my eyes from her.

"you know some people have their reasons why they do drugs."

"i know."

i left the conversation at that.

"i have a question." Lorena said.

"sure."

"how did you come to using substances? i don't think I've ever smelt anything on you before and we're always together so..." my girlfriend trailed off.

"it was peer pressure. victoria said that she was gonna stop being my friend if i didn't. they were celebrating the will of you giving us time to go out and stuff." i explained to her. "i didn't want to but as time grew, i got more fund of it and it felt... good."

i wasn't going to hide that from her.

Lorena nodded.

"i don't want you doing those type of stuff, baby. i hear you when you say you didn't want to but then you started to like the feeling that it gave you, the blissful feeling. it can mess with your insides and i want you to be perfectly healthy and not battling with your lungs."

i laughed.

"i know. i won't."

"good."

i smiled and then something clicked.

"oh and there's this girl-"

"no."

i raised my eyebrows.

"i don't know what you were going to say but no."

i laughed.

"hear me out, dummy."

Lorena looked at me.

"she was there with us on the night. she's a pretty interesting person and said some stuff, too." Lorena tilted her head as she stared at me. "i told her i have a girl, yeah, and she's like 'i'd risk it all for you' and that she doesn't care about my girl and she wont stay away or something like that."

i giggled as i thought about laura.

i felt nothing towards her but she was funny, i wont deny that.

"which one of them?" Lorena asked. "which one of the girls?"

"that's for me to know and for you to find out." i grinned.

Lorena leaned back against the bed head and folded her arms as she stared at me with a mischievous look in her eyes. she didn't say anything and that made me narrow my eyes at her.

"Lorena." i said in a warning tone. "no hurting anyone."

"no promises."

"i mean it."

"and so do i."

i sighed and shook my head.

"if you hurt her, much less threaten her, I'm breaking your fingers and i am standing on that." i told her seriously.

i wouldn't.

they fuck me too good to get rid of.

or maybe i could get rid of them and then stack them ontop of one another and then use them as i please.

good idea.

"fine."

"fine?"

"i won't do anything." she grumbled and focused on the tv.

"good." i smiled. "i also have another confession to make."

lorena directed her attention to me once more.

"i killed Sydney."