the highest bidder ✰ gxg

chap. forty

breakfast ended quickly. laura and i made a conversation with each other, just talking and telling each other the plans for the day. honestly, it was nice to have a friend.

i don't know what i consider victoria to be because she was just... there.

ever since the entire thing, i haven't seen her.

i also came clean to laura about how i was the one who told. i just simply told her that lorena saw me on the night and she had me tell her everything. she was still talking to me, surprisingly, so that's a plus.

"hollis." monica said as she approached me.

i looked at her.

"force captain requests your presence on the field." she informed me.

i nodded.

what could beyonce possibly need right now?

i headed towards the field and i soon saw the familiar woman. upon my presence, she smiled and dismissed the set of trainees. beyonce hugged me and i hugged her back awkwardly.

i did not expect that.

"how are you?" she asked as she pulled back from the hug.

i shrugged.

"i'm fine. could be better." with lorena, of course i could be better. "how are you?"

"i'm pretty good." she said and i nodded.

"monica informed me that you wanted to see me?"

"yep." beyonce nodded. "before we get to the matter at hand, i'm surprised you're not with lorena. even if you were, you would not have gotten here so fast." she raised her eyebrows at me.

"my life doesn't revolves around lorena." i deadpanned.

"i know." she drawled out. "but normally, you'd be with her."

i hummed dismissively.

"now to the matter at hand," beyonce started. "why haven't you been attending training?"

i pulled my head back.

"what?"

beyonce gave me a look and folded her arms.

"ohhh." i trailed off. oh shit. "i forgot."

i partially did.

i would've came if i was in the mood.

"sure you did."

i huffed and looked away in guilt.

"look, its for the best because we don't know what could happen at any time and that's why lorena requested for me to train you." beyonce said. "i know you don't see the reason for it but as the future donna, you'll be required to know how to fight and stuff. it's a part of the donna training. doing this now before the official time saves you that time in the future and you can avoid it."

i sighed knowing that she was right.

but am i even going to be donna anymore?

"speaking of which, lorena was supposed to announce you as her donna like, three, four days ago. how comes it hasn't happened as yet?"

because i ruined things.

my eyes watered at the thought and i looked away.

"we decided not to announce it as yet. i'm not ready."

there was no 'we' in that decision.

i let out a breath in order to stop the tears from falling and beyonce turned my face towards her. her face softened.

"what really happened?"

i shook my face from her grip.

"nothing. it's nothing."

"don't give me that bullshit."

i wiped the tears that started to fall from my eyes and turned away from her.

beyonce wrapped her arms around my body in a hug and i turned in her arms, burying my face in her chest as i sobbed. she rested her head ontop of mine, shushing me softly. she let me cry in her arms until my eyes ran dry.

i pulled back from her embrace and wiped my damped cheeks and eyes.

my eyes pained me so bad.

i want to sleep.

"its okay." beyonce told me and held my hands and led me over to a bench under one of the far trees in the shade. we sat down and i wiped my eyes once more. "do you want to talk about it?"

i nodded.

"i'm all ears, mar."

i took a deep breath in but it came out shaky.

"i was with my friends. i don't remember what led up to how we got outside but it was for a reason. so we were outside and then the other two girls, meredith and victoria, decided to try drugs. i was hesitant at first because i didn't want to. i ended up caving in because victoria said she'd stop being friends with me if i didn't do it. so we approached the area where the rest of their friends were and one thing led to another. i abused a lot of substances that night, i burnt more blunts that i could remember, swallowed pills- pills i don't even know the name of, sniffed stuff and drank alcohol. i was high. we all parted ways and then i headed to my room, i couldn't sleep so i headed to lorena's room, she smelled the substances, got angry, cursed me out and said she was disappointed in me and then left. i don't know what she did that night, where she went or what. that was the last conversation i had with her. even though i cleaned her room and office every day, i still haven't seen her."

beyonce looked at me with wide eyes when i was done and then her face suddenly fell.

"gosh, you stupid woman, lorena." beyonce grumbled to herself. "don't feel any way by what she said. she didn't mean it, i can assure you."

"don't pick up for her, beyonce. i know what i did was wrong and she had every right to say what she said." i said.

"no she doesn't." beyonce shook her head. "lorena has a past with drug abuse so seeing you doing it must've brought back unpleasant memories and therefore a negative reaction from her."

beyonce got up and stretched her hand out towards me.

"let's go. we're going to her."

i have a bad feeling about this.

-

yuh yuh yuh