•genmui school au•

chapter 66

Heyyy, so.. Sorry if these seem bland/dry/out of order

I'm really tired with my writing, so I don't feel the best.. Ahh, yeah, these were all wrote on docs and I have to make sure they're in order while being super tired and drained, so yeah, sorry, just say if anything seems out of order, I wont be offended

Mui pov

I hate this.. No one fucking understands.. 

I want genya.. I want cuddles.. I.. I need him.. But I don't have my phone.. I.. Can't.. 

Why..? Why does this happen to me..? It's my fault, yeah.. But all I was doing was helping him., like a good boyfriend.. 

But now I'm in shits with koku.. My phones smashed.. Shattered to pieces.. And my thoughts are horrible.. He's never going to forgive me.. Why.. Why did I do that to myself?

I don't want to sound like an annoying addicted teen or whatever.. But I genuinely hate the fact I don't have a phone.. Genya.. What if he needs help.. And I'm not there… ? 

Or something happens to Yui and I'm not home.. He can't tell me to come back… or vice versa-

Ahh… I just need time.. I have so much going on in my head.. 

So so much… 

I covered my ears.. And just sit there.. Deciding to give into the horrible thoughts… 

End it.. 

Your worthless.. 

Why are you here..? 

You don't have talent.. 

Yuichiros the better twin… 

And they just repeated.. 

They didn't stop.. 

I hated it so much… 

I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts away.. But they flooded in like a water fall.. 

Get out.. 

Get out of my head-

I sat there, head in hands once again.. I started to sob.. 

I pushed Yui away.. When he wanted to help.. Why am I like this..? 

He's right.. Fuckitn useless.. 

Why am I like this? 

I'm a shitty boyfriend.. 

A shitty brother.. 

A shitty child.. 

Useless.. Useless child.. 

Why am I even here? 

I don't want to be.. 

Why am I like this? 

I can't even take care of myself.. I'm ugly.. 

Fucking hell.. I mean.. Maybe that's better than when I had long hair and gyokko was an absolute creep.. But still.. Fucking hell.. Disgusting… 

I grabbed my hair.. Sometimes I'm still not used to the fact it's all short.. Sometimes I hate it.. I know it's there.. I know it's short, but I can't let go of the fact it's all gone.. 

All those years, memories of genya having so much fun doing my hair.. All those times where I got compliments.. Even those horrible moments.. They were still memories.. 

I never believed in

“Hair holds memories” 

Until it was gone.. 

And I hate the fact they're slowly disappearing.. 

I remember some things.. But even when I look at pictures of my hair in pretty braids.. I can't remember it.. 

Maybe it was for the best.. 

Maybe it was meant to happen.. So I could let go.. But.. I can't… 

Maybe so I was meant to move on.. But… I didn't.. 

I tell myself I like it.. But do I… ? 

Sure.. It's half the work.. But I'll never get used to not having to spend hours on it.. I'll never get used to the lightness.. I'll never get used to how my neck looks.. As it was always covered.. 

I'll never let go of Yui.. Of genya.. I don't want to.. But I'm afraid one day I'll loose both.. 

Ill probably loose one of them in my life.. 

And I don't want to know who.. How.. Why.. Anything like that… 

Why is life so unfair..? 

I never did anything for this.. 

I never wanted this… 

Why.. Why is life like this… 

I don't want to loose anyone special.. But one day.. I'll have to face it.. Face what comes my way.. Whether I like it or not…

But I don't want that.. Why would I… ? 

Only thing I want to loose is the upper moons.. I wish I was home.. With mama and dad… they'd be better than this hell hole.. 

I wish I could hug and have comfort from genya forever.. 

Or that I'll stay with Yui forever.. 

But I don't think that's the case…