On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

92

Child

I found someone who was really kind to animals, loving to children, and polite to everyone. Intelligent and hard-working. He is always willing to go out just to find the food I'm craving. We love to try new things and eat everything. He's so beautiful, and I am glad to have him in my life. But things like what's happening lately made me question whether I was worthy of him and if I could still make him happy.

How can I tell him that I've given up on trying to get pregnant, that it doesn't feel good to me anymore and that I feel scared and traumatized about seeing and fucking him right now because I know it will only give me hope before failing miserably in the end?

There is only a bed and other necessities in our room. Matapos ang masayang salu salo kanina ay bumalik na kami sa bahay na katabi lang kina Giulia.

We are going to do it here with our clothing on the floor, it feels like we are christening a brand-new house. He nestles in between my legs and grunts as he pushes inside of me. Silently, I take him. I didn't even make it to the bed before he pushed and hugged me from behind. Napadapa nalang ako sa kama.

He's enjoying every second of it, and even though I want to push him away because this doesn't feel good to me at all I also want to be his girlfriend and I want to make him happy, even though I don't feel well right now. Even if I have issues, I still want to maintain our connection.

I can feel him licking every area of my top body and neck as he carefully pushes into me. I make an effort to engage as much as he does, but it's difficult to act as like I want this right now. Ang hirap mag panggap na okay lang ako, na walang nagbago sa akin matapos ang lahat. While I wait, I tilt my head to the side to allow him to leave his mark on my neck.

"You don't want me," dinig ko nang bigla siyang huminto at seryosong tumingin sa akin. Napakurap nalang ako at hindi nakaisip ng tamang isasagot sa kaniya.

He pulled out of me abruptly when I didn't answer and then all i could do is watch him fixing his pants. Bigla akong kinabahan at natakot. Simula pa lang ay mapusok naman talaga kaming dalawa.

Masasabi kong active kami pagdating sa sex kaya nakakapanibago na bigla nalang akong naging malamig sa kaniya ngayon. Siguro ang takot ko ngayon ay ang magaya sa ibang relasyon na naghanap ang lalake ng iba dahil hindi na nabibigay ng babae ang gusto at pangangailangan niya.

I'm the girlfriend and it's my responsibility to provide his needs pero paano naman kung ang katawan ko na mismo ang umaayaw. Gusto ng utak ko pero hindi kayang sumunod ng aking katawan.

Damang dama ang takot hinila ko siya at sinubukan na mahalikan. "I'm ovulating...i need you,"

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at ibinaba iyon. Seryoso niya akong tinignan at nakita ko kung gaano siya ka dismayado sa akin.

Sayang din kung hindi niya itutuloy ngayon. Sinabihan naman kami ng doctor kung ano ang mas nakakabuti at kung anong gawin. Pero umiling siya at tinalikuran ako.

"It's fine...you can fuck me now," umupo ako sa kama at nakatunganga sa kaniya. "This might be the perfect timing we are waiting for..."

Tensyonado siyang humarap sa akin at minasahe ang kaniyang ulo. Looking how his jaw clench reveals his annoyance with me. Napalunok ako nang tinapon niya sa aking hita ang aking damit.

"I'm tired of fucking just to make you pregnant, Av. Can't we just do it because we want each other? And not because it's a responsibility and a requirement? Can you fuck me because you want me inside you? You want me to love you? Can we just stop overthinking for once?"

Nawalan ako ng karapatan na huminga at napakurap nalang dahil sa kaniyang pagsabog. Mas matimbang ang takot ko kaya kahit na ayaw ng katawan ko ay umiling ako at hinawakan ang kaniyang dalawang kamay. Hinila siya palapit sa akin.