On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

85

Two

After almost a week of silence, I felt his hand touch me unexpectedly and awakened up. He occasionally reaches for me in the middle of the night to make sure I'm still on his bed next to him. My heart feels warmer, but it hurts as well. I then began getting ready for work and fixing myself in the morning.

Even though we are having a silent battle I must say that it made me smile to see that he was still attempting to maintain the routine at home when I arrived home with my suitcase.  He even massaged my legs last night when I got home from work; I didn't object and just took whatever he had to offer.

I remember once getting up to sit on the sofa because I couldn't sleep. A half hour later, the bedroom door opens and there he is, looking like a cranky baby lamb with his hair all tangled up and weary eyes, questioning where I am and what i'm going to do.  It was the most adorable thing ever.

Okay naman talaga sana eh nagugulo lang dahil kay Caren. Gusto kong mag higpit pero alam ko rin naman na wala akong karapatan kaya tahimik nalang ako.

He came running down the stairs and called my name just as I was ready to leave for work.

"I love you."

I didn't respond to it. I had no desire to be dishonest.  I was down to nothing more than a weary stare and standing still with my luggage.  With everything going on with their divorce and Caren's pregnancy, everything is a complete chaos right now.

The idea that I might require more candy and cinnamon on my way to work to improve my mood is stressing me out. I should not become morbid later on and I need to have sufficient energy for work.  Still, that was a bit weird.

He waited but i just stood there quietly waiting for nothing. Ayaw ko sa mga nangyayari pero wala akong magawa kundi ang hayaan siya sa mga desisyon niya.

Pero hindi naman pwedeng ganito nalang kami parati kaya naisipan ko na dapat mat susubukan akong solusyon para naman magawan ko ng paraan itong masamang nararamdaman ko.

Siguro kung alam kong wala namang masamang intensyon ang asawa niya at ginagawa niya lang ito para sa bata ay tiyak na panatag naman ang loob kong hayaan siyang magpaka tatay pero palagi kasing bumabagabag sa akin ang sinabi ni Caren sa akin noon.

Kaya natatakot din ako at parang napa praning na rin. Siguro kasi totoo naman na anytime akong pwedeng iwan ni Deuce. Pwedeng mag bago ang kaniyang desisyon at baka gustuhin niyang bumalik sa piling ng kaniyang asawa.

"Can I go with you the next time you're going to visit her in the hospital?" There were no tears. I feel disappointed of him but there was no big drama. I was honest and said our relationship was great, but I just didn't feel like saying that word to him. He felt embarrassed but respected that.

"Of course, if you want," he answered weakly. I nodded and turned my back on him. Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung ano nga ang estado ng anak nilang dalawa.

Kung may sakit ba o kung okay ba. Madalas kasing wala si Deuce rito at pumupunta sa kaniyang asawa.

"Av," he called again, but this time my eyes teared up and my face felt so warm already. I refused to look back at him because I didn't want to make him see that I was hurting and that I was crying like crazy right now.

"Are we okay?" He asked. I nodded, trying to swallow my cries. My chest hurts so bad...so bad that it feels like its swelling.

"Yes, Deuce. I need to go now." I walked out and prepared myself mentally for work.

I've been sick so much that the office has already phoned me and asked me to take it easy for the time being, be checked into a hospital, and possibly get a medical certificate stating that I'm fine.