𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

52 | Everything Will Be Okay

I want your violence, your silent sedation
Your moon eyes, your telescope, morbid fixation
✰

Thick sweat coated my body as I jolted awake. Gasping for air and clinking to the sheets for any stability. I choked loudly, my throat dry and my eyes sore.

I look around, mainly to the empty spot beside me and I let out a scoff as the tears brim my eyes. Here I was again, alone.

His words ran through my mind, how much I made him feel safe to sleep but what about me? His words fought with Jeongin's in my head, I signed up for this. Did I? Did I really set myself up for this?

I always handled my own shit. Handled these nights on my own but meeting Minho and being in this relationship I thought for a moment I wouldn't have to. I thought it was no longer just me. Looking around, I knew it was.

Tears fell on my hot cheeks as I slipped out of the bed which made me feel unwanted. Like I shouldn't be in it if it wasn't with him beside me.

I leave the room, not bothering to put on a shirt and staying in only sweats. Walking down the hall and knocking on the door lightly as I wipe away any tears.

I stand there helplessly as the door opens. The male looked at me tiredly, squinting to try and make out my face in the dark but soon a small sob slipped from my lips and I was pulled into a tight hug immediately.

I just wanted my brother. I need him right now.

I wrap my arms around Felix as I cry and he doesn't ask me what was wrong, he just lets me cry. He doesn't need to ask because wasn't it obvious?

"You look exhausted" He whispers lightly as he pulls away, bringing me into his room and closing the door behind us.

I don't say a word and just follow him to bed. It felt weird for him to take care of me, especially with how uncertain things were between us. It's been good but we haven't emotionally let each other in again, not like this.

✰

The sound of a few light knocks wakes the two of us up, with a light groan Felix gets up and goes to the door.

"Were you asleep?" The sound of the familiar voice makes me get up from the bed and go to the door, the male gaze leaves Felix and goes to me. Confused and shocked to see me in my brother's room he says "Jisung, I didn't know you would be in here"

I look at Hyunjin and ask "Is Minho back?"

The male looks down the halls and nods slowly, "Yeah..." His words are hesitant before looking back at me. I walked past the two and down the hallways, ignoring the other's gazes who were on their way to their rooms.

I walk into the room and the second that I do, Minho turns to look at me. "Don't look so happy to see me" I said sarcastically but also bitterly. The door was left open because at this moment I didn't really care.

I walk more into the room, his eyes on me "You were in Felix's room?"

I stop and give him a blank stare "Yeah, he's my brother"

"I just mean it's late"

"It is late, I'm also wondering the same thing" My tone stern "Where were you?" I ask him.

Minho shakes his head, "I'm really tired Ji" He shuts my question down, and my jaw tenses.

I inhale deeply, walking to the bed. Ready to let him win this yet again. I was, I really was going to but then I stopped.

"No" I shake my head and turn to him, he was already staring at me "I'm done blowing this off for you. What about me? You told me when was I going to start thinking of myself and right now that's what I'm going to do" I spat, "This is what I chose? I don't remember you telling me about all the nights I'll wake up alone!" I grab the glass cup from the nightstand, throwing it at the wall beside him out of anger.

Minho slams the door shut "Jisung, stop it!" He yells at me. Usually I would stop it all at the sound of his voice raising but I don't.

The tears fell from my eyes "Stop what?!" I respond, "Acting crazy?" My voice breaks, "I will when you stop disappearing in the middle of the night. I will fucking stop all of this when you're actually there when I need you"

Minho's face softened and here came the look of pure guilt, "I'm sorry Ji" His voice was now soft, like he wasn't just yelling at me. Like he didn't leave me in bed alone. He walks to me, "Baby, I'm sorry" He tries to grab me, hold me but I push him away.

I roughly wipe away my tears, sitting on the bed as I shake my head, "What are hiding from me?" I asked, my voice low and weak. I was tired. I look up at him "Haven't I given you enough to show you that I'm here? Right here, right now, and that I want this... I want you, so give it to me" I was desperate now, looking at him. Pleading to him "Give it all to me!" tears still fell as he looked at me.

He looked so distant and pained. His head shook lightly "I can't" My hope brushed past me in seconds as he said "I can't do this right now with you"

I look at him, just that. I just stared at him blankly, the last tears had fallen and I couldn't find it in me to cry out more. I couldn't find it in me to give him anything right now.

"Then neither can I," I said to him, standing up and walking past him. I cared too much. I was willing to give him every inch of me. My mind, my soul, and my body but he couldn't return the favor.

I didn't make it to the door, he didn't let me make it to the door before he was talking again. Pained and hurriedly, like if he didn't spill it out now then he never will.

"Fine," He says, making me stop. I didn't turn to him as he said "You want to know what I do? Fine" The chills run down my back as I turn to him. He was now the desperate one and so fucking terrified as he continued his words "I—I kill people" His truths slap into me, he shrugs lightly, owning his every words "I torture them and I don't hesitate when I do it. Apart of me enjoys it. I enjoy watching the life drain from their eyes because that means one less shitty person in the world" He spat, "And I take pictures and keep them after so I could always remember that I'm also just as bad as them" He pours it all out.

I stand there, completely still and speechless. I don't know what to say or to think right now. I just stood there. Slowly putting all the pieces together. I knew he did bad things and from the other night, I knew there was a possibility that those things involved death. Hearing it now felt different.

He looks at me and shakes his head, motioning around "So leave" He tells me, "I was never going to stop you once you made the decision. I just held onto as much time I had with you because I don't deserve any sort of a good content life" He admits to me for the first time what he's been holding in, "Just like all the people I've killed, there should be no happiness for us"

My heart broke but I couldn't find it in me to go to him. I tried to allow all of this to sink in but it wasn't. I suddenly felt trapped in this room and I needed out.

Turning around and opening the door, Minho didn't follow me as I left the room, and to my surprise, the others were in the hallway. Quickly they acted like they weren't eavesdropping but I knew they were.

Their eyes lingered on me carefully as I walked down the hall and to Felix who stood there with a frown on his face, pulling me into another hug for the night "Everything will be okay" He whispered to me the exact same words I'd been telling him.

Everything will be okay.

*Song rec - Spiracle by Flower Face*