take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 64•

billie pov:

i didnt move out of bed, my parents took audrey and the whole house has been silent for days.

just the sound of my sobs filling the empty room.

i sat up looking around, seeing the photos of us on the wall, her makeup on the dresser, her hoodies scattered on the floor

until i noticed a black book i hadnt seen for years poking out the side of our walk in closet.

i got out of bed and picked it up, sitting back down and opening the first page,

i saw a glimpse of her beautiful handwriting and immediately started sobbing all over again as i began to read it

"15 years of age, lol we definitely had glow ups, i love this photo this was the first selfie we took together what a photo, your shaky hands making it blurry really completes the picture"

i caught my self smiling as i wiped the tears

"we were crazy, we were so young and careless its crazy to think we have a daughter now"

i admired every pic and felt the lump form in my throat everytime i noticed her face

as i flicked the next page, it was a page for each age we were, when did she make this?

"16, i loved your blue hair, it really complimented your eyes, this was right before we had to leave each other what a year that was huh?"

i could hear her voice everytime i read word

"fucking shitty drew glad we cut her off, i always wondered what happened to zoe after this, your music was doing amazing and i was and still am so proud of you"

turning the page

"17, this will just be random pictures of us i made one of these as my dad made one for my mom years ago and i thought it was cute"

i flicked the page again as the tears rolled down

"18 the year i sold my childhood home, god it was stressful, i miss that house, but i met noah and daisy and they hated when i spoke about you, they just wanted me to talk to you again"

i laughed, im actually smiling

"and every day i spoke about you, noah told me you came out and i smiled, and daisy said this was my shot but of course i was scared"

"until i turned 19, and claudia called me and invited me to your album release, that album is amazing when you see it just know claudia took that photo of us sat on the curb, and this was where our journey continued"

i looked at each photo on there, some photos i didnt even know existed

i took a minute placing the book flat down and i sighed

throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling

"im so mad at your ri, i couldve helped" i spoke out, i knew she couldnt hear me but i couldnt keep it in

my eyes stopped spilling over, they were empty.

i sat up turning to the next page

"you look so young in this i cant believe we were 20, the year i went to university, i loved it it was an experience, my life went downhill in the middle but once olivia forced me to see you i knew i had to take you back"

i knew i was near the end as the book was getting thicker on the left side, there was thousands of pages just filled with photos of us

at every age and i mean even when we were babies