river pov:
"just fucking leave me alone" i screamed at her through the door, i heard her laugh and i knew that she had to be taking the piss
"oh so its funny" i slammed the door open, shoving my hands as hard as i could into her chest "mhm" she mumbled
shes gained a new attitude over these past weeks "oh showing of for your new friends" i rolled my eyes as my legs carried me to the kitchen
"i hope you know i wont take this billie to be my wife" spitting where it hurts, this is the worst thing about us when we argue we argue badly and we never know when to stop taking it to far
"and this my fault, because i spent the night with my friends?" "you call them friends, disappearing all night coming home at 2am drunk" i said slamming the glass down watching it shatter
"this isnt the billie i know and this isnt the billie i want to marry" i said barging past her to put my shoes on
"no no, your not running now" when i say aggressive drunk i mean aggressive, i stared into her eyes
and each day since the car incident her eyes have gotten darker and darker
"your insane" i sniggered at her, the flip had switched she flung my shoes and locked the doors "go to bed" she yelled
normally billie doesnt yell at me and ever since shes been around these new friends, ive never met them nor do i even know their names
"what are they doing to you" i said stood on the bottom step "they are my friends" she said "friends? when will you stop being so blind"
"when will you stop being so jealous all the time, i cheated on you once" my heart sunk "yeah well it shouldve been never" i spat
"is this right? is this what we want" "are you seriously asking me this question" i said stepping towards her "after you put a ring on my finger" i was poking my finger right into her chest
"you put this on here, you promised me that youd change or at least try and we did we got better yet we do the same cycle all over again"
"if i knew it would be like this everytime, would i do it again?" stood in her face as the mascara poured down my cheeks
my stomach getting a sharp pain, not long.
my only thought was this baby, when they are in there they can hear voices and all shes heard is her own parents screaming at each other
whenever billie sings, they kick but everytime we argue they kick 10 times worse
i cant bring this baby into a world where we dont work, and raising this baby on my own would kill me
feeling the breathes escape my mouth while i sat on the sofa, holding them in she sat there on the stairs
head in her hands as always.
i dont want to be on my own, this is my first time and doing it on my own would be horrid
i knew falling asleep would be the worst idea right now so i stayed awake all night
just watching billie pace back and fourth from the kitchen to the stairs
to the studio back to the kitchen
everyday.
for a week we havent spoke shes been in the studio all week
shes been sleeping in there, eating her food in there when we always sit at the table
a week is a long time especially while we are living together and yet nothing out of the both of us
ive heard her sing a few lyrics which i knew related to the both of us and how we both felt during these times in the relationship
but its only 8 weeks left and im getting married (yes time skip again sorry...) does she still even wanna marry me?
going up stairs and sitting in the bathroom, i picked up my phone and i knew exactly who to call
claudia.
daisy is currently flying to noah with baby marlow i know shes so excited i couldnt ruin it for her
"claudia" i the lump formed in my throat
"hi baby" her soft voice set me off "i dont know what to do anymore" i sobbed, she listened "months ago in the car she was speeding down the highway, she lost all control of herself, and now last week she came in at 2am drunk, without telling me where she had went"
"river" "shes losing her self and its making me lose my self, the wedding is in 2 months and the baby is here in 5"
"shes gone" i sobbed, feeling all air leave my lungs at once "im on my way and im bringing finneas"
she ended the call as i sat there, what have i done? is this all my fault? did i drive billie insane did i cause her to start doing this
did i bring back the old billie?
~
SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY.
YOU ARE READING
take my hand //billie eilish//
Fanfiction"take my hand, look at me and just breath" "billie i cant it hurts my chest is hurting"
