We Don't Have To Dance (An Andy Biersack Love Story) [Completed]

Chapter 40: We Don't Have To Smile

Chapter 40: We Don't Have to Smile

Mia's POV

*The Next Day*

It's only been a day without Andy and I'm struggling. Kendyll is still pretty much inconsolable most of the time and seems to be protesting sleep. I got little to no sleep last night and I am absolutely dragging.

I can't give in and go back to his house though. I need to prove that I can be a single mom. I need to prove that I can do this on my own. I need to prove that I don't need a man to function. I've been just fine for the last 3 years, there's no reason that having a baby should change that.

I had just managed to get Kendyll to stop crying when I heard a knock at the door. I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at Kendyll in the bassinet who was babbling to herself. Thankfully the disturbance at the door didn't seem to disrupt her.

I silently cursed whoever was on the other side of the door and headed towards the door. I opened the door and my jaw dropped at the sight in front of me.

"Mia," Andy said softly. His face was red and puffy, his eyes bloodshot. He somehow looked shorter and his hair wasn't as neat as it normally was.

"Andy," I said quietly, examining the shell of a man in front of me. Before either of us could say anything else, Andy closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. I quickly kissed back, memories of our time on the couch a few days ago flooding back. I wrapped my arms around him as he walked further into my apartment, closing the door with his foot. 

He pulled us down onto the couch, our kiss getting heated and quickly turning into a make-out session. All I could think about was how much I missed his touch, the feeling of his lips on mine, how much I missed him. I missed watching him be a father to our daughter, I missed having his help and not having to do it all my own. It's only been a day and I already miss it all.

I then remembered my thoughts from earlier. How I need to prove that I can do this on my own. I felt his warm hands on my bare skin as he started to lift up my shirt. I ripped myself from my thoughts and my lust as I pushed him away. He rested his back against the arm of the couch, looking absolutely defeated and deflated, the same look he had yesterday when I packed up and left.

"Mia," he pouted.

"Stop with the fucking puppy dog look," I snapped. 

"Mia," he said again with the same, small voice.

"This is why I left," I muttered, putting my head in my hands.

"Mia, you packed up and left with barely an explanation. I think I deserve a full explanation, not  a half-assed vague one," he snapped back at me. His small voice was gone and his strong voice was back, filled with anger and betrayal.

"I told you, I need to start doi-"

"Bullshit," he interrupted me. I snapped my head to look at him and narrowed my eyes. He no longer looked small and deflated. His eyes were angry and his chest was puffed. His frown was now pulled backwards, his lips tight. "I didn't come here for you to give me the same bullshit excuse. I asked for a full explanation. I deserve and demand a full explanation, damnit."

"I think I know exactly why you came here."

"Why?"

"What the fuck just happened, Andy? We can't seem to have any alone time without mounting each other!"

"Don't act like you don't fucking like it."

"I do! That's the problem! Everything has to be a fucking thing with you! It can't just be casual!"

"I don't want casual Mia! I fucking love you!" he shouted. Now it was my turn to shrink. I had heard him say it in the hospital, but this was the first time he said it to me.

"No you don't," I insisted.

"Yes, I do Mia! I have for a long time!"

"Andy, we haven't had any semblance of a romantic relationship. You don't love me."

"Oh my god, Mia! We have spent the last year preparing for and caring for our child! For fucks sake, I've seen you give birth! I've comforted you when you were fighting with your dad! Every time I see you, I want to hug you and kiss you! Fuck, I want to call you mine! These feelings I have for you are so deep and so strong! I'm not a teenager Mia, I've been in love before, I know what it feels like. Every single time we have slept together, I haven't felt an ounce of regret. Not once did it feel wrong. I love you, Mia," he ranted.

"I can't," I said in a shaky voice, shaking my head. "I need to prove I can do this on my own. I can't be dependent on a man, not again. I was overly dependent on my ex, and when he cheated and left, I was left with absolutely nothing."

"I would never hurt you, Mia."

"I can't risk it."

"I'd like to think I proved that over the course of this last year! Hell, you told me you were pregnant with what was, at the time, probably my kid, and I told you I was all in!"

"Andy," I said, looking at him with tears in my eyes. He grabbed my hands and looked so deep into my eyes that it felt like he was staring into my soul.

"I would never ever hurt you or Kendyll. I think I deserve a chance to prove that to you. There's no way you can confidently say you don't have feelings towards me. You've already admitted it."

"I do have feelings," I admitted for the second time as my eyes shifted to the floor. "I'm so scared Andy," I said as I looked back at him.

"Let me show you that you don't need to be scared. That you're worthy of love. Please Mia. We don't have to tell anyone, it can stay between us for a while," he begged.

"Andy," I sighed, not knowing how to respond. Every fiber of my being wanted to say yes, but that fear was drowning the excitement.

"Let me take you on a date. Let's start there. No obligations. If you hate it, we can go back to a strictly co-parent relationship. I promise, I'll stop pushing. Just give me a chance, give yourself a chance, Mia. Please."

"What about Kendyll?"

"I'll find a babysitter."

"Fine," I said, my stomach twisted into knots. I had the worst feeling that this was going to end in the worst way.

"Great, Friday?" he asked. Five days to mentally prepare.

"Fine," I said again. "I'm not moving back in," I said, shaking my head.

"That's fine, I'm not going to make you. Can I at least see Kendyll before I leave?"

"Of course," I said. He smiled and stood up, disappearing down the hallway. I let out a small groan and put my head into my hands. Did I just make the worst mistake?

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Should she have agreed to the date?

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