Chapter 46 - Ivar

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Four years ago...

You know when the opportunity you've been waiting for finally arrives? Like, when you really want the snow to make school close. Or your parents and family randomly plan a trip for no reason, and you get some amazing days. That's how I felt. The anxiety was more like fuel than anything else, and even though I was practically out of breath, I refused to stop. I needed to find my dad.

Leaving Nini at the park was necessary, even though I felt weird when she hugged me, but everything was crazy, so I just brushed it off. I needed to go to my dad and tell him everything that was happening, and I couldn't bring her with me. Not yet.

I was absolutely sure my dad would help us, but I also knew he had a foul mouth, and some people thought he was scary. No one would say it to his face, of course, but the gossip the whole town spread about him and my family was bullshit.

Of course, I knew I shouldn't listen to it, but I was pretty sure it wouldn't be a good idea to bring Nini without knowing how he'd react to the fact that his firstborn had spent the last few months blatantly lying to him. He'd probably curse a lot. And threaten to ground me until I was eighteen. And only after that would he take a deep breath, light one of his cigarettes, and start coming up with a plan to help us.

And well, I needed Nini not to give up or get scared by all this, so I decided to go ahead and do it alone.

— Mom's looking for you — Tavi says, scaring the hell out of me as soon as I set my skateboard down in the garage.

She had built some kind of fort in the garage, using the fabric from a real tent, but she couldn't hook the wires in the right places and was using little chairs to hold the fabric up.

— I bet she's looking for you too — I comment, kneeling down. — Can I come in?

She nods and tosses some dolls aside, making room for me to sit next to her.

— Where's Dad?

—I don't know. Tonight's weird. He told me he'd take us to Uncle Will's Park today, but I guess we're not going anymore.

—We'll go tomorrow, it's the Fourth of July— I say, shrugging. —The park's packed anyway, it'd be boring.

—Were you there? — she asks, and I can tell by her pout that she's feeling left out. — Was Mads with you too? And Nini?

I sigh and pull her onto my lap.

—We went there to help Nini, Tavi— I admit, but then decide to come up with a better story than the real situation. —She's sad. I mean, it's nothing serious, but I think only we can help her.

Her thick eyebrows furrow, and she looks at me with concern.

—So what are you waiting for? Bring her here!— she pleads. —Mom can fix anything. And Dad knows a trick to take the pain away.

I kiss her hair and hug her.

—That's exactly what I'm going to do, Tavi. But I need a favor. Can you go clean your room so Nini can sleep with you? She'll need space, and your room's always a mess.

The excitement of seeing Nini and having her over shines in Tavi's eyes, and she quickly stands up, looking thrilled, but before she runs inside, she turns to me and says grumpily:

—Your room's worse than mine, and it stinks.

I laugh as I stand up and follow her, pretending like I'm about to grab her, which makes her run off laughing, and we head inside.

—Ivar? — I hear my mom call as I pass through the kitchen and let Tavi go.

—Here — I reply, walking toward my mom. — I'm looking for Dad.

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