Am I wrong

First Vist

It was six in the morning and somebody was ringing the doorbell. I opened the door looking out onto the porch. No one was there I looked down and there was a huge box. I knew I couldn't lift it so I called Braxton over.

He picked up the box with ease his muscles flexing in his white v neck. I bit my lip looking away quickly. He sat the box on the table, "Who's this from" I stood beside him staring at the huge box, "I don't know, it was sitting there when I opened the front door".

He went to the drawer pulling out a box cutter, "Let's see what's inside". Rolling the thick tape I opened the box. It was full of baby stuff. I looked over at Braxton, "You think it's from Steven or his parents".

I could tell the he felt uncomfortable at the thought. I pulled out a pink small fluffy teddy bear. Holding it close to my chest I closed my eyes. I thought about Steven and us being a happy family.

Braxton wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his chest. I pulled away before the hug got to long. Looking into the box I seen a white card I opened it.

"Chelle baby I miss you and the baby so much. I just want you to know that I won't be coming home anytime soon".

I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt Braxton wipe my tears away. I put the teddy bear back in the box wiping my face. I went into my room and closed the door leaving Braxton in the kitchen. I laid in the bed crying until I fell asleep. I couldn't believe he's not coming home. He did say he missed me but he's not coming home. Where is he, why isn't he coming home.

I heard a small knock on the door. I didn't bother saying anything I just wanted to sit and sulk. The door cracked open, "Michelle did you want to ride with me to see your mother".

I sat up immediately yanking the covers off of me. "Uh yeah yeah" I rushed to put my shoes on. The car ride to the hospital was silent. I stared out the window watching the people going on happily about their day.

Grandma placed her hand on mine I glanced over at her. She gave me a small smile, "Everything's going to be okay Michelle I promise". We pulled up into the hospital parking lot I suddenly had the urge to sit in the car.

I was scared of seeing my mom I knew that I couldn't handle if she looked like those sick cancer patients on TV. I knew if I saw her like that I would have a breakdown and collapse.

I looked at grandma worriedly, "I can't, I really can't handle it". She nodded and got out the car. I watched her my hands shaking as she entered the hospital sliding doors. I sighed staring up out the windows at the clouds. The one time I was aloud to see her I chickened out.

I waited for about twenty minutes before getting out the car. I needed to see her no matter how bad she looked. She was my mommy and she was strong. I needed to hear her tell me everything was going to be alright. That she was coming home and things were going to be back to normal.

In reality I knew things weren't that easy cancer wasn't something you wake up from and you're cured. It took time and a good fight to win the battle. Most importantly it took faith not just any faith but faith in God.

I had my own relationship with God even though I didn't go to church every Sunday. I read my bible when I had the free time. Not as often as I use to but I've been trying to at least read two scriptures a day.

Walking up to the front desk I smiled at the guy sitting behind the computer, "Hi I'm here to visit my mother Rochelle Davis". He nodded typing on the computer, "Just sign this".

Handing me the clipboard I grabbed the pin my hands were still shaking I quickly handed it back to him. "Ms. Davis she's in room 2A. Just go to the right then four doors door there it is". I nodded thanking him.

Walking down the hall following his direction. I stopped right outside her room door. Her name was written beside the door in cursive. I took a deep breath twisting the handle opening the door. My heart pounding in my chest my hands sweaty. I pushed open the door walking in.

The room was dark the only light was the light illuminating from the TV on the hospital bed in the middle of the room. I stepped in closing the door behind me. The cold air conditioning sending a chill down my neck.

"Mommy" I whispered trying to control the shakiness in my voice. The room was silent except for a low humming coming from the TV.

Walking a little closer seeing the medical equipment lined up against the wall. Needles and breathing machines scatter amongst the room.

Her small fragile body wrapped up in thick hospital sheets. Her chest slowly rose and fell as she slept. I sat down in the rocking chair beside the bed. Watching her sleep she didn't look like her normal self. Although she had a peaceful smile on her face as she slept.

She had lost so much weight and I barely recognize her. Her hair was short, cut into a little Afro she cut it off when it started falling out. Her hair was so long falling down her back I sighed staring at her sleeping face. She stirred a little then went back to sleep.

She looked beyond tired an worn out. It was clear she was sick and didn't feel well. White clear tubes pumped blood into her arm. She even had a tube up her nose. It broke my heart to see the woman I knew who was once so strong and could do anything.

Now vulnerable and in her worst state. I held her hand rubbing my thumb on the back of her palm. I closed my eyes letting a few tears fall. "I'm sorry mommy" I whispered through my tears.