Adopted by the Sidemen

old habits

it is now winter break and we have the whole of december off of school.

time went by really fast and school was pretty rough considering all of the projects and tests that i had.

rebecca hadnt confronted me since the first incident with harry. she mostly left me alone because i hung out around one of the boys while she is here.

bullying at school hasnt gotten any better. it hasnt gotten any worse either. im just glad that i can take a little break now.

all i have to do is a science project. we have to come up with our own investigation that we can create an experiment on and present it to the class. (i had to do this last week and it was terrible)

im at my desk, working on it now. i would normally procrasinate but i just wanna get it done so i dont have to stress.

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it has been about an hour and i just finished writing the conclusion and evaluation to my experiment.

i lay on my bed and take a deep breath. i go on my phone and scroll through twitter.

tobi and ethan persuaded me to get one. i dont see the point in it but they absolutely love twitter.

i started to scroll through my mentions. i dont know why but i was very surprised to see hate.

wouldnt you think that if you love someone famous, you would support any choices they make and be kind to anyone who is associated with them?

me being the stupid person i am, i actually read through a lot of them.

their words didnt hurt as much as i thought they would but then i saw a hate account about me. the bio was:

the sidemen adopted a bitchy slut named alexandra. why would they adopt someone like her. there are so many better people out there that deserve them.

they are right. i dont deserve the sidemen. i dont deserve their loving and caring personalities. i dont deserve to look at them. i dont deserve to live in the same house as them.

i grab my razor out of my bag and i run into the bathroom. i roll my sleeves up and start cutting. softly and gentle at first but as my anger and sadness builds up, i start becoming more rough. my tears are flowing freely and fast but i try not to make a noise.

apparently someone heard me because there were soft knocks on the door.

"alex, open up," i hear a deep voice say. its vik.

"go away. please," i say that last part in a whimper.

"alex. open up please. i know you are crying," vik replies.

i hesitate at first but then realise that it would be better if i got his help. i didnt even bother cleaning my blood off. i opened the door and he runs in the bathroom and hugs me.

the hug only lasts for a brief second before he pulls away and picks me up and sets me on the bathroom counter.

he gets a washcloth and starts cleaning up the blood. luckily they stopped bleeding out. i wince in pain because of the immense pressure he is applying with the washcloth that has hot water on it.

"im sorry baby girl," he whispers. i dont know why he is sorry. this is clearly my fault.

i choke on a sob before more tears fall. i didnt want him to feel bad for me. i didnt want him to think i was gentle and fragile. i wanted him to love me like he would love a normal person. and i know he doesnt mean to treat me like this because im a messed up teenage girl who is emotional. a messed up teenage girl who just wants to be back with her biological family.

i never wanted any of this to happen.

once vik is done cleaning up the blood, he wraps my wrists in bandages. my loud sobs have calmed down to quiet whimpers.

but in that exact moment, i remember my promise to harry. oh no. i broke it. i feel so bad. i start crying again but it hurts so much.

"calm down honey," vik soothes. once he finishes bandaging my arms, he pulls me into his chest.

"im so sorry vik," i choke out between sobs.

"shhh. its ok babe. just calm down," he hushes. he picks me up and carries me to his room.

vik lays me down on his bed and tucks me in. i have never really been in his room before. its small but its nice.

i close my eyes as vik lays down next to me and snuggles with me. he starts humming 'little things' by one direction.

one of my favorite songs.

a/n
eating skittles in the dark while listening to n'sync.
~kayla