Adopted by the Sidemen

Alone

Chapter Inspiration: Who You Are by Jessie J, my random 2 am thoughts, and a recent mental breakdown.

I wake up in Vik's bed tangled in the covers, alone. That is how I feel now that I have lost my best friend, alone.

I slowly get out of the bed and I walk out of Vik's room. I hear talking coming from downstairs in the kitchen. I hesitate going downstairs but I need to, I don't know why, I just need to talk to someone.

I slowly start to go down the stairs and I hear the boys in the kitchen. They sound worried and distressed.

I take a deep breath and step into the kitchen where all the boys are except for Harry, Tobi, and Ethan. I look at all the boys and they look so terrible and they seem like they were on the verge of tears. I raise my eyebrow at them in confusion when they stop talking when my presence is known by all of them.

"Alex," Simon starts, "please, please, please forgive me for saying the things that I did. I'm such a jerk and if I could turn back time, I would never have even thought those things in the first place."

I nod at him, "It's ok, Simon I understand that you were tired and frustrated." He walks over to me and hugs me and surprisingly, I hug back. I don't know why I'm so forgiving over these boys but not Harry. I think what Harry did was terrible and he lied to me, which hurt me quite a lot.

"We need to talk to you about something," Vik says as Simon and I stop hugging.

Simon and I walk over to a stool and once he is sat down on it, he pulls me onto his lap. I lean back against his chest as he puts his arms around my waist and holds me tight. I look over at Vik, expecting him to say something but he doesn't. And as I look at him, I can see his eyes are rimmed red almost like he was crying. Why was Vik crying?!

"Umm.. What is going on," I mumble.

"Well, Alex," Vik starts but his voice cracks when he says my name but he continues, "Harry..."

He stops and looks down at the floor. He takes a deep, shaky breath and shakes his head, telling me he cant continue on with what he was about to say. I look to the others for an explanation and Josh speaks up first.

"Harry relapsed," Josh blurts out.

I sit there shocked. Harry relapsed. He relapsed because of me. It's my fault.

"W-What," is all I manage to say.

"Tobi went to his apartment last night to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid and... Tobi said his whole arm was covered in cuts. Tobi and Ethan are with him right now," Josh replies with tears in his eyes.

I close my eyes and let the tears fall without care.

FLASHBACK 

"Harry! I'm so sorry, I didn't know," I cried. I had recently said something rude to one of my brother's friends and that friend started being rude to Harry because of it.

"I forgive you, Alex. Just remember that something that you think is harmless can hurt someone else in so many ways," Harry tells me.

END OF FLASHBACK

"I need to talk to Harry," I say. I really do. I need to let him know that I forgive him and I love him.

I cant believe I would let myself do this. I always  tried to be a nice, kind person but I guess I haven't been the nicest person lately.

JJ suddenly speaks up, "I don't think that is the best thing for either of you."

"Please," I whisper as more tears fall down my face. The boys all exchange looks with each other except for Vik who is still looking at the floor like it is the most magnificent thing in the world.

"Fine," Simon says. I manage a smile and jump off of his lap and start towards the garage and I can hear them following behind me. We get in JJ's car and head over to Harry's flat.

SKIP CAR RIDE

We arrive at Harry's flat and Tobi answers the door. Tobi looks at me and immediately pulls me into a hug. I sink into his embrace but force my tears to stay back because if I break down now, in Harry's flat, it could trigger him. Right now, I need to be strong for him and I need to act like everything will be ok and tell him that life gets better.

Tobi and I separate and he says, "Harry is in his room." I nod and slowly start walking to his room. I'm not sure what to say other than to apologize to him.

I reach his door and slowly open it. Harry is sitting on his bed facing the window. He doesn't even turn around after I come in the room so I start walking towards him. This whole place just seems so melancholic and it makes me feel weird. Once I'm able to see his face, I feel my heart break. His eyes are bloodshot and he has dark circles under them. I can see the bandage on his wrist peeking out from under his sleeve. I frown at him and he just stares at me apathetically.

"Harry," I say quietly, "I'm so sorry." I decide to sit next to him. He doesn't reply, he just looks down.

Since he doesn't say anything, I decide to continue talking. "I'm so stupid for letting it get this far, Harry. I should've forgiven you because I know that is what you would have done if it were me. I'm such a jerk and I don't know how I will ever get you to be my friend again. I screwed up, bad, and it  led to this and I cant even forgive myself right now. I never wanted to hurt you and I now realize that you never wanted to hurt me. I love you, Harry. Pancakes," I whisper that last part.

He takes a deep breath and looks at me. A small smile appears on his face. I smile back and at this moment I feel like nothing has ever changed between us. It feels like I'm back at home in my room with Harry just talking about random stuff that only we would find amusing because we understand each other. It feels like everything is ok, but it's not.

"Alex," Harry starts," I forgive you, and you should forgive yourself. I was a jerk for telling the others your secrets that you trusted me with. I'm so sorry. I love you, too. Pancakes." He smiles a full smile and I giggle a bit at our stupid secret word 'pancakes'.

"Thanks so much, Haz. But I just wanna know why you cut again," I say calmly.

He takes a deep breath.

"I just felt alone. You hated me and that absolutely tore me to pieces because I love you," he replies and shrugs, "Nobody said life was easy and I know that good things are temporary as well as bad things so I just kind of did it again to help me feel better."

I nod because I know exactly what he is talking about. I have felt like that way too many times in my life.

"I have an idea. How about we start over again and just pretend none of this happened," I suggest. He nods and lets out a laugh.

"I love that idea," he replies with a smile.

A/N

Hey everyone! Exams were a nightmare but I did surprisingly well. Thanks for putting up with me and my very inconsistent updates, I am deeply sorry. I hope you did well on exams. Have a great weekend!

~Kayla