Lovesick

-Nineteen-

A/N: warning: there is some triggering in this.

It's been about a week. I've locked myself in my room and I haven't moved that much from my bed. Shawn sometimes sits outside my door and talks to me... I don't respond usually but he keeps talking... making sure i don't feel alone. Matt even came over three times and talked to me through the door. 

I heard a knock on the door. I stayed in a fetal position, not moving. "Jas... you're scaring me." I heard Shawn's voice say. I stared at my hands. I was so much more pale than I usually was. "Please tell me you're still there." I heard his voice say.... I could hear the fear and worry i his voice, "Please, don't make me knock this door down....Please." I didn't want to talk to anyone but I wanted to be alone more. "i'm fine." I sighed. 

"Oh my god Jas...."  he said in relief. "It's so good to hear your voice." he said. I teared up. "It's super rainy out today." he said, changing the subject. I looked over at my window to see it still closed with the curtain covering it. "I miss you Jas...." he said. "i'm worried okay?" I heard his voice break... he was crying. "You haven't eaten in a week.... or drank water or anything." He said. "Please... Jas... it's time for you to open the door... Please." he said. I cried into my pillow. I just didn't know what to do. 

It was painful not knowing what to do what to do. I just wanted to be alone...... I got up and walked to my dresser. I looked through all of the drawers to find something. I finally found it. I held the small piece of metal in between my fingertips. I haven't self harmed in about 3 years... and that's because Shawn helped me through touch times. But now.... I've given up. I sat in the corner of my room and gently put the blade on my skin. Then I slid it to the right, causing my skin to sting. I cried, the hot tears running dow my cheeks. I continued to cut my wrists, crying. "Jas?" I heard Matt's voice, as a knocking came on the door. I looked down at my wrists. There was 5 cuts on my arm. I sighed then put the blade aside, back into the dresser. I put a paper towel around my arm and a sweatshirt on. "Jas." I heard his voice. "It's Matt, I can hear you walking around, can you open the door??" he asked. I sat on my bed once again and cried into the pillow. 

"Jasmine." I heard Shawn's voice. "Come out..... please..... I-I need..... I need my friend."  he said, causing me to feel a pain in my chest, like my heart just broke. 

"We both need you Jasmine." Matt said. "We're breaking this door open now." he said. "If you don't open this door in the next 30 seconds... I will knock this door down Jasmine." he said. I stayed in my fetal position. In a few moments, the door was kicked open. I continued to lay in my fetal position. I heard two pairs of footsteps come closer to me. I looked up and saw them both sitting on the bed, one on either side of me. Matt held my hand as Shawn combed his hand through my hair. I stared up at Shawn then looked at Matt. Matt brought my hand up ad kissed it. I flinched as I felt his other hand hold my wrist that had cuts on them. "What?" he asked, worried. 

"It's n-nothing." I said then took my hand back. 

"Jas...."  Shawn said, I could hear the concern in his voice.