Life of Libby nelson

Chapter 54

'Do I look good' I asked 'you look more than good' mam said as I looked at myself in the mirror I was wearing a black pinafore with a white roll turtle neck top on some black tights and some new all black converse with a small touch of bling added off my mum 'you sure this looks okay' I asked and she nodded 'my hair, should I of kept it natural curly or not' I moaned 'yes it's long, gorgeous and curly' she told me 'but maybe they'd like me better with straight hair' I said 'babe they're gunna love you no matter your hair' she said and laughed 'Im sooooo in love with you' she said grabbing my hands 'I love you aswell' I smiled 'I can't believe you are a full sanderson now' she beamed and I squeeled 'for nearly 3 whole weeks now' I smiled hugging her tightly 'it feels so good knowing I won' she said and I sighed and turned my smile upside down I missed my old family aswell but there was no going back 'did you know in 4 days I've been at hollyoaks a whole year and I've lived with you properly for 5 months in 2 days' I smiled 'my life has fallen into place, I feel whole' she said pulling me down the stairs 'me too..for once in my life I feel like I'm loved and cared for, for who I am..I haven't thought twice about my suicide attempts whilst here in Liverpool but in London they dwelled on me all the time' I said 'I couldn't be any prouder, no lie' she smiled 'I do miss the nelsons and everything about them but this is fresh..like jess said I could always visit when I want and when I'm ready' I shrugged 'anytime' she smiled and I could only picture the guilt and the face that swept across jes when she lost the court case weeks ago, it was not a nice site and it melted my heart I was left broken 'today you meet the rest of your family, do you know how long they've waited for this' she asked and I shook my head 'nope but I'm sure I'm gunna find out' I smiled 'gorgeous' she smiled locking the front door, ash was at work along side kirsty, I still loved having kirsty here it was like having a big sister I could lie in bed with at night and tell problems to that my mum wouldn't understand.

'What if they hate me' I said as we walked up to my nanas door 'they love you already' she smiled squeezing me tight and placing a kiss on my forehead and then opened the door and if felt sick and had to hold my mum quickly, we walked through to the kitchen door I could here loads of chatting 'it sounds like there's a party in there' I said 'that's because there is' mum giggled and I sighed 'I wish we did it one at a time now' I said putting my hand on my forehead 'you'll be great babe, if it feels to much we can go' she said looking sad 'no we can go in' I shrugged and she raised her brow and I nodded as she put her hand on the handle 'you're about to meet your real family for the first time, I understand if you aren't really feeling okay or if you are super scared but I'm here, you need time out we will go in a different room, this is a big thing and I'm nervous too' she said 'why' I questioned 'because nobody ever got to meet you apart from my mam and not everybody agreed with the descision to give you up' I shrugged 'well don't be nervous you got me and I got you' I smiled and tucked my hand inside of hers and she turned the door handle and those 3 little seconds that the door opened in felt like a whole minute to me, I went blank the room was pretty full. I came around and all eyes where on me just as i thought 'hi baby' an older woman said but not to old, still gorgeous aswell to nikki 'mum, I've missed you' she said hugging her tightly and I hid a bit 'and you must be my little gorgeous granddaughter, I've been told so much about you' she smiled and I nervously smiled back and still hid behind mum 'don't be shy babe, you're gunna be just fine' she said and gave me a small hug then let go 'I have some gifts over here, for your 16th because we didn't come, didn't want to make it all to much' she smiled and I smiled back and she walked off to get them and then a man and a woman holding two younger kids came over 'this is my brother and sister in law' mum told me and I just waved at them 'you can speak' she said 'hello' I shrugged 'I bet you're nervous' the lady said 'really' I nodded 'don't be, you'll fit right in..if you're anything like nikki then you will' she laughed and I giggled 'nikki she's so beautiful, spitting image of you' her brother said 'I know' mum smiled proudly and I hugged her side 'this the beautiful little farah we should have met all those years ago' another older lady said as she walked over 'my names Elizabeth but you can call me Eliza or Beth or Libby whichever' I shrugged 'Libby' mum asked and I nodded 'why not..that was my original name before meeting you' I smiled 'what does your mum call you' she asked 'Elizabeth, Eliza sometimes Beth' I shrugged 'I'll call you what comes first..I really like Libby and Beth' she smiled 'this is my nana florrie so your great nan' mum smiled 'but you call me nan' she smiled and I nodded and didn't let go of mums waist 'let's move over there' she said and held my hand as we walked over to by her mum 'here you go' she said handing me the bag and I looked worried 'don't worry you don't have to open them here you can open them with your Ni..' She said and interrupted 'my mum' I smiled and my nan smiled wide and nodded 'mum I actually have some news' mum told her 'what is it..are you pregnant' she asked and it fell silent. Awkward. 'Yeah she is' I nodded and I noticed my uncles and great nanas face dropped 'congratulations' nan said hugging her and I let go of her hand, I hated the fact she was pregnant when I've only lived with her for less that half a year 'how many weeks' she said '13 I thought I was 12 but we had a scan last week' mum smiled getting the scan out and I wandered over to by the buffet and picked up a lollipop and watched them all fuss 'rubbish isn't it' I heard and turned around to see a woman around young 20's sat on her phone 'what' I asked and walked over to her 'to see them fuss over someone who's pregnant' she said and I shrugged 'admit it, you're jealous, it's okay kid I'd be too' she told me and I sighed and sat next to her 'yeah I am..who even are you' I asked 'your cousin, my names pippa' she said and I smiled 'Eliza, Libby, Beth or whatever you wanna call me' I nodded 'I know exactly how you feel..see nikkis brother..that's my dad believe it or not..so your mum wasn't the only one to have you young' she said 'did you not know him' she asked 'not till I was 16' she said 'how old are you now' I said '19' she smiled 'cool' I said 'but I know how it felt with him having the two younger kids when I first met him my sister was only a tiny baby I was so jealous how he loved them from birth but didn't want out to do with me' she sighed 'yeah I'm scared..I've known her a year but lived with her for 5 months..she's gunna drop me when this baby comes' I shrugged 'she won't she's kind of good like that, she's always made time for me' she said 'no I think she will who wants a 16 year old when you can have a brand new baby' I said 'she will..she loves you, she spoke about you all the time always wondering what you looked like' she said and I nodded as we watched them fuss still 'but look at her and how happy she is to be having baby Dawson, its gunna hit me when the baby arrives, I mean she won't get rid of that like she did  with me will she, I'll be jealous as hell' I admitted 'hopefully she keeps you in tack' she said 'we are gunna get along just great, I'm a makeup artist incase you need any help' she winked at me and I laughed 'there you are, I've been looking to meet you' a woman said holding a baby 'I'm Lorie your mams cousin it's so nice to meet you' she smiled 'nice to meet you too' I said giving her a hug 'so you're gunna be a sister' she smiled and I shrugged 'don't want it' I admitted and she looked sad 'I can imagine..it will be hard for you' she said and I nodded as mum came over 'what's going on here..I hope you aren't teaching my daughter bad tricks pip' mum said and pippa shook her head no 'sorry about that' mum said 'it's ok' I shrugged and she sighed 'I know you hate talking about the baby but it's gunna be talked about for a while' she said 'I don't want a baby never mind to hear about it' I told her sternly and pippa looked shocked 'don't start' she begged 'I'm not gunna I'm just making sure you know how I feel still' I shrugged and walked off to get a drink and left mum with pippa 'I'll make it' nan said 'I can make my own I'm a big girl' i laughed 'I know but I feel like I have to do stuff to make up' she said 'don't worry your daughters made up for the past let's just focus on the future' I smiled sweetly 'a baby eh' she said and I spilt my drink 'I am so sorry' I said cleaning it up 'don't be..what's wrong im a nana I know when there's a problem' she said taking my hand 'let's go for a walk, my back gardens big we can go for a walk to the bottom and back I have a pond and swing down there' she smiled and I followed her ignoring mum as we passed by 'now you gunna tell me' she asked 'I don't want a baby' I said 'truth being the truth..me either..I don't really think she's ready' she admitted and I was shocked 'she isn't..well to me she isn't..she gets nervous doing things for me' I said 'I just think she needs to be with ash a bit longer and needs at least another 6 months or so with you' she said 'thank you, me too' I nodded 'it's gunna be hard..she will be still trying to bond with you whilst trying to make a bond with the new baby' she said and I sighed 'it's hard to bond with her now, we just clash to be honest' I said 'But you are happy to be with her' she asked raising a brow 'more than happy, I feel myself again I haven't had the best past' I said 'care to share' she asked as we sat on the rocking swing at the end of the garden, the house was way up and I hadn't realised how far we'd walked down 'I was bullied It set my ADHD off worse, I tried to commit suicide twice and was moved school' I shrugged and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder 'oh poor baby, when you found nikki how did you feel' she asked 'shocked..I didn't even know I was adopted all I was told was that I was a special one' I said 'she's always thought of you' she said 'I know she's shown me certain things that's made me believed she's always cared' I said and she nodded 'I wish you never had it so tough little one..I wish I'd of known and wish I could of done something to save you' she said 'don't worry I'm safe now' I smiled 'if a baby is really not what you want what did nikki say' she asked 'she just said she was sorry' I shrugged 'it's late now isn't it, I'll always make sure she's there for you' she said 'thank you, it's scary' I said 'I know I hate to think what you are thinking in that little brain' she said stroking my hair 'I'm thinking that I'm gunna be shipped off again' I said 'that won't happen I'm willing to fight to the ends of the earth for my grandchildren' she said and I felt the need to hug her tightly 'if It makes you feel any better I don't want this baby to Come between you and her as much as you don't want it to..I'll have an In put as much as I can..if I could turn the clock I would' she said 'thanks nana' I smiled. 'This looks cosy' mums voice rang and we turned around 'you've been out here 2 hours nearly' she said 'and' nan asked 'just saying..aren't you cold Beth..here's your inhaler and coat' she said handing it to me 'thanks mum' I said 'what you been talking about' she asked 'things, life' nan replied 'don't lie..the baby' I said and mum looked down 'i can't do anything about it and you know that' she told me 'I know, we were just talking about how we don't want it, we all think it's to early' I said and mum looked sad 'no ones happy for me' she said and sat on the steps 'no love, I am happy I'm just disappointed' nan told her 'me too' nikki said 'why' I asked 'I'm so disappointed that the people I love the most are disappointed in me..do you know how hard it is carrying a baby that you know none of your family even care about' she said and a tear escaped from her ice blue eyes 'we care..I care' nan told her 'doesn't seem it' mum said blankly 'I do care and I will love this baby the same as I love my other grand baby's but I just think it's to soon on poor Beth' she said 'I understand that mum but I can't turn the clock' she said 'I care too mum..I'm just scared' I told her and got up to sit next to her, she put one arm around my shoulders 'don't be scared' she said and another tear escaped her eye but I caught it just in time 'don't cry' I smiled and pulled her in for a full hug. 'Ill leave you two alone' nan said getting up holding her empty wine glass 'see you back at the house' I smiled and mum give me a squeeze 'is that what you've been talking about' she asked 'for the last two hours..not just the baby..about my past..she was just telling me how she wished she could of been there' I shrugged 'I wish I could of been there too' she said kissing my head 'she does care you know' I told her and chucked a stone into the pond 'it just doesn't seem it' she told me 'she cares, she's going to be there she just feels bad for me' I said 'they all do' nikki said bowing her head 'maybe it will get easier as the pregnancy grows' I said lying knowing It wouldn't 'I just wish I'd of thought' she said 'look don't fetch on it to much now,lets go back in there and have a good time' I said standing up and brushing my dress off and then held my hand out for her which she gladly accepted 'you remind me of a little princess' she smiled and I held her hand tightly.