Life of Libby nelson

Chapter 9

I've been awake 3 days but still haven't opened my eyes full time,I can't for two reasons 1) I'm to weak and 2) I can't face my family,they probably hate me on the inside for trying to take my life but also disrupting their life's especially the girls,I've ruined half there career already.

I haven't really spoke much either,my mams here now,it's Saturday and her day off work,she's been playing with my hand for the last hour begging me to open my eyes and talk,I feel weak,to weak im still hooked up to machines to keep me breathing and to drain liquid into my system. jesy hasnt been since 3 days ago as she cant face me so weak. Apparently i look worse than last time as if my bodys waking up to kill me off. Basically I felt broken more than I already feel after she said that,she thinks I'm going to die,how can she think like that,I thought she was thinking positive,after that little attack with Jordan the other day I think it's made her mind blank,so basically my sister and brothers and family think my body's going to get better well make us think it's getting better before it packs down,I literally don't know what to think.

J: baby please open your eyes,speak to me,let me no your fine,me,jess,john and josh where talking at the house last night along with the girls,the doctors said it's up to your body now,they've done all they can...erm we don't really no what to think anymore especially after the other day when jord was here,you need to fight and make yourself strong I don't want to be planning my 15 year olds funeral just yet Infact I never want to plan it a mother should never have to plan her child's funeral,ever i miss your voice so much,I miss your hazel eyes lighting up the room I just miss you,I never dreamt of my child trying to commit suicide. I'm mortified absolutely gutted to think I could bury you in the next few weeks or days for that matter please fight for us,for me, your my daughter no one else's, don't you listen to anyone in the future

M: mm..um I'm ok

J: your not listen to you,your voice weakens by the minute,you haven't opened your eyes yet

M: I am......feeling better...today

J: you need to keep fighting,we want to see our Libby running round and round like old times,plus where going to London and leaving Romford behind

M: promise..a fresh..start

J: oh I promise

M: I'm sorry..sorry for my ..behaviour...the past years

J: oh sweety don't worry I want you to worry about getting better,you can do this

M: mum I'm awake,I'm not...going..to die I'm fine

J: the doctors don't think that,you need to prove them wrong

M: I will I promise

I was feeling better today,weak but better so they can all stop thinking I'm going to die,just speaking to mam then I felt my voice getting stronger,I'm going to try and open my eyes later with all the might I have,I will do this and I will make my family happy again.

2pm

It's been 3 hours since my conversation with mum,perrie has came up to take over and let mam go for food,we've been having small convos and the doctor has been in and I asked to be taken on the sats and breathing machine and they agreed only for a few hours to see if I can cope and at this moment it's been longer than a few hours and I'm doing fine,well to me I'm doing fine.

P: your gunna love the London house

M: I'm gunna love..living by you girls

P: I'm gunna love having you there

M: I think I've forgot what you all look like

P: open your eyes,you can do it your just telling yourself you can't

M: I know..I'm to scared

P: sweety,don't be where all here for you and we are dying to see your beautiful shade of hazel eyes.

I gripped onto Perries hand tighter and slowly lifted the right eye lid,the one facing from perrie just to see if I could see out,I could see..it was slightly out of focus but it will get there,I slowly opened my left now and turned my head to perrie,her eyes lit up and her face she got out of her seat and carefully hugged me and got out her phone. 'Her eyes,she's opened them jess' she's phoning jess I hope she comes up I miss her.

P: what can you see

M: perrie...the room..chairs..my hands

P: yes

M: mum told me...you where...talking

P: yeah,doctor told us it's best to start planning or thinking about the bad turn out

M: oh my...I'm not going to die..my body's strong I'm a nelson

P: I know I know look at you,your hazel eyes are as brown as ever your white bits are slightly red but that's fine,your beautiful and your back for good

M: yeah your right..not going anywhere

I was adjusting my eyes to the room and light,it feels good to have them open today better than yesterday I guess,it's really bright but I need to get used to it,I just wanted to go home actually,I wanted to be with my family at home not in hospital I'm getting fed up now I've been in here 12 days now and it's uncomfortable now. I looked around the room again to see my phone on the table,I looked back at perrie whose smile was the biggest I've ever seen. She was stroking my hair.

M: I need to sit up

P: I can prompt your pillows up then use the remote to help you sit up

M: please

Perrie did her wonders and I was sat up for the first time in nearly 2 weeks,it felt good to be moved around a bit. I lifted my left arm up which wasn't attached to a canular and it was good to move but my right hand was stiff a bit but I could hold something light in it.

M: please..pass my phone

P: are you sure

M: yes I need..to get back..into being strong

I had hold of it with my right hand and used my left to swipe the screen and type,I had a bundle of messages and twitter notification and Instagram and Facebook notifacations. I clicked on the messages first,oh god.

'Unknown'

Libby it's dad,I'm sorry about the other month back,I have your birthday card here and nana told me about what happened,I'm gutted,we only met once but I'd like to see you again,stay strong I love you xxx'

'Nana

Stay strong Libz,cant get from London to Romford to see you with my health and all but I'll be buzzing to see you when you come to London,all my love,you will win this fight xxxx'

'Mum

Don't know why I'm texting you,your not awake and won't see it and may not see it ever but I'm hoping you do,your my princess,life's been a struggle for us but I never thought this much of a struggle,I really miss you ya know,your cheeky little grin,cheeky little comments and your sarcasm,wake up soon baby I love and miss you all my love and hugs mummy xxxxx'

'Cara

Your mum was round yesterday,I can't believe my bestfriend is moving to London,what am I gunna do,I'm coming to visit you today at 5pm now your up and feeling slightly better,love you xxxx'

I checked twitter and it was just fans saying get better and asking me why I did it and if I was okay there was a tweet from my school,well old school sharing there kind wishes and then a tweet from my 'new' school saying they're excited to see me settle in there in September and that there sending get well wishes to me I have new followers and some tweets asking if I'm going to be going to Central London school in September I faved them and then went on Facebook,again get well messages and on Instagram was my bestfriends cara,leoni,sessi and Kai putting pictures of me and them on asking me why I did it and that they don't know what I'd do if I didn't pull through,god it made me weak again. I asked perrie to take a photo of me and her and then I shared it on Instagram asking perrie to type the caption 'I've woke up,I'm very weak but I'm getting there,looking forward to a fresh start in London' and then locked my phone. Jess should be here soon and cara and her mum,I've missed my bestfriends and Kai lots but I guess I'll have to get used to not seeing them,London is now my home.