Life of Libby nelson

Chapter 75

Christmas Day 2018, Betsi and H's 1st birthday, Hatties 1 year anniversary, Betsis first Christmas, Isabella's 2nd anniversary, I just felt like today was to much to deal with. I know I had to put everything behind me for Betsis sake but when there is that much going on today it's hard like how can such a happy day bring lots of bad times with it. 

I laid in bed looking around my room, everything was silent, theo was asleep next to me and I doubt anyone else will be awake, after all it is only 6am. I walked down the hall ever so quietly and opened Betsis door, she was in her cot flat out still in the same position as last night 'happy birthday princess' I whispered as I peeped over the cot, she was 1...my whole world was one years old, she had brought so much joy to my life and gave me a whole new reason to live, the only thing that was missing was Hattie, my sweet angel Hattie. I looked around her room and it was ever so beautiful, i left the decor to Anna and she did an amazing job I must admit, her rose gold cot fit in perfectly, I scanned around just admiring the view and I ame across the picture of her and Hattie when they were born, H obviously that little bit smaller but perfect, my two babies a whole year ago today, I walked over to get the photo and bring it back to where I was sat 'I miss you' I said as i rubbed my finger over Hattie 'I'd love to know what you'd look like now, how you would do things in your own little way and most importantly I'd love to know what you and Betsi were like together, two peas in a pod I imagine' I giggled quietly to myself as a tear dropped on to the frame 'I'll never forget you baby doll' I said and just had a little cry to myself, it was ok not to be ok anna always told me and today despite it being Christmas I was not ok. I was still sobbing into the photo when Betsi started to stir, but not enough to wake her I could also hear foot steps creeping around I looked at the time and it was just gone 6:30 so my guess that was eithe Theo cause he'd felt me not there or one of the other adults. I heard a creek by the door and looked up to see Anna 'there you are, I popped my head in your door and only seen Theo thought you'd gone down without us' she said coming in 'no I wouldn't do that, Betsis first Christmas and birthday, she needs her daddy, nanny and pappy to see her open her gifts' I smiled with a sigh and anna came and sat besides me 'hey times are tough I get that' she said and put her arm around me and I leaned my head in on her chest 'you got this though' she told me and I silently sobbed, this woman...this amazing woman I met at work has took me on and under her own wing as her own and give me everything I ever needed without being asked and to me that's comforting and I know Jess would be smiling down as I know that's all she wanted for me in life, to finally calm down, feel safe and have some stability in life and it's took a lot of years but I'm here. 

Betsi was up and so was the lads, we'd come down stairs to open our presents as a family i felt guilty that I saw this as my family now and that Nikki and the girls wouldn't spend Christmas morning with Betsi on her first one and her birthday but it's life and something's work out better this way. 'Merry Christmas-birthday my little angel' nick said as he walked through the living room and picked Betsi up and swung her round, she was still so dinky for her age she still wore 9-12 months clothing in fact she'd just gone into that size 'are we all ready for present opening' nick asked as he sat Betsi back down and I nodded eagerly,I'd gotten these 2 a present I never thought I'd be able to afford in my life ever but with my job I'd managed it and obviously I'd gotten Nikki something similar because it would be unfair other wise, I just hope the months of saving is appreciated.  'I'm sorry we went overboard with Betsis presents we couldn't not help it plus she has a reason to get double' anna shurgged and I giggled 'its fine, cause look I did too...a pile for Christmas and a pile for her birthday' I laughed. We watched as Betsi sat and unwrapped all her presents with daddy's help of course, she looked so happy she had no clue what was going on but she looked so bright, she lit up this room not one person had a frown and that's how it should have been despite circumstances, I know Jess would be up there smiling down on me and my girl, wishing she was here but happy enough she still got to look over us and her girls too.