Life of Libby nelson

Chapter 76

It was march 2019, and I'd never really let that conversation with Anna on Christmas Day go, she was actually the only one who understood me properly and she never judged me for who I was. Things never got better after Christmas it still beat me up inside that she was the only one there for me properly, I mean Nikki never contacted after Christmas Day it took her till January 8th, that's a whole week into the new year and she never even called to wish us a happy new year, she was busy apparently more like abroad and tried to hide it, I don't get why she couldn't just tell me where she was going not like I'd of gone mad, gregg and the girls were her family she can take them where she wants baring in mind I'd bought her a holiday for January 15th so she went on Boxing Day and got back the 8th then flew a few days later again, I was the most sad about her not even phoning for new year I really thought this year we'd have started fresh and finally gotten close but it never happened, in fact I went awol instead, I'm not afraid to admit that, I turned to drink and not caring about myself, left home for days on end obviously took a break from Hollyoaks without telling them and left Liverpool without telling anyone, I need help and I'm not afraid to admit that either, I left my precious little Betsi with her dad and grandparents back on February 23rd and I've never looked back since it was for the best I wasn't a mum to her I was awful I totally let myself go, I bought a second iPhone and made new social medias under different names so I could still see what they were doing without them knowing me although my other iPhone has hundreds of messages and alerts. At first I went to stay in Wigan for a bit because that is somewhere I thought no one would bother me but of course when you're face is on tv every night the word gets out so I've come back to Essex, today actually to find my older brother johnny in hope he will help me so I can get back to my beautiful princess that I miss more than anyone in this world. 

I walked along the street that I grew up on, nothing had changed apart from houses were painted brighter and gardens were more modern and up to date as they say, I got to number 12, my house well not my house anymore but it was once over and it hadn't changed apart from the front lawn, that had a cute little double swinging chair on one side then on the other side a kids trampoline, I just hope the family in there now enjoyed it more than I did. I carried on taking in the street and my surroundings I'd not been back to Essex in years, in fact I'd not seen johnny in years I wasn't even aware of if he still lived here, the last time I saw him my niece Lola was being born that was back in 2015 a year after my nephew was born, they'd be coming up 4 and 5 now. I got the little side crossing that linked johnnys street from mine and Jess's old street, I crossed over and turned left which was the way to johnny, the street felt cold and unpleasant but I think it was from over thinking the whole situation, I could see kids playing on scooters and I smiled and carried on in my own daze until It was broken from someone running over my foot 'ohhh' I said out loud but then smiled when I seen the little boy probably around 6 'sorry' he smiled and the little girl next to him just looked me up and down 'don't worry it was no ones fault' I laughed and a females voice shouted 'be careful Layt, I am so sorry' she said as they approached me and I looked up 'its fine...wow' I muttered as I came into contact 'libby' she asked and I nodded 'rach...da..john' I stuttered I didn't know what to call him anymore because he wasn't my dad was he, 'you're all grown up..' he smiled 'yep...19 soon' I smiled and he nodded 'wow, how's life been it's been...years' he told me 'yeah 2014 actually and Lilah was only a few days old it's now 2019 and yeah' I laughed 'where are you going' he asked 'to find johnny' I said 'don't bother, he doesn't live there anymore' he told me and my heart sank 'come back to ours' he asked 'ok' I nodded and followed them 'so what brings you here' he asked 'I need some time to myself, I need help to sort it and wanted to see if johnny would forgive and forget and help' I told them as we walked we were approaching their house as they lived by us before I moved 'help as in..' he asked 'just having a bad time' I told him as Rach let us in. 'Tea' rach said handing me a cup over 'right what do you need help with' he asked and I sighed 'oh god sure you pregnant' rach asked 'what..no...I don't need to be' I half giggled 'no I didn't mean it in a bad way' she said and I got my lock screen up 'this is Betsi' I smiled with pride as I showed them 'she yours' john asked and I nodded 'wow she's amazing' he told me and I nodded she was special 'she's 1' I nodded 'is she here with you' he asked and I went sad and said no 'I left a few weeks ago without a word she's with her dad probably worried sick but I need this' I shrugged 'well johnny moved from here about 1 and a half years ago, we never kept in touch but I do know where he is but it's another train journey' he laughed and I sighed 'stay here' Rach told me and I just looked at her 'what' I laughed 'despite the circumstances of what happened all those years ago, you're still well in our heads johns kid despite finding your biological family, stay' she said 'really' I asked 'yeah of course, we can help' she told me and I smiled I wasn't keen but it was ideal and helpful 'promise you won't say out to anyone' I asked 'like Nikki..no' he told me 'good, and not Nikki I don't live with her, I mean just to anyone from back home...this gives me a chance to catch up with the girls too' I nodded. 

I'd gotten to know Lilah and Layton a little more and we had gone out for dinner, the kids were in bed ready for school tomorrow and I was sat with the adults downstairs. 'I think we have a lot to catch up on' John said and I nodded 'want me to start' I asked and they both nodded 'well I obviously left late 2014 for Liverpool and that was the last I ever saw of use, well obviously I found out about Nikki which was sad, heartbreaking to find out you are adopted like that but hey it's done and things work out the way they do for a reason, nikkigot pregnant with my first sibling she was born but passed on Christmas Day 2016 then after loosing Jess me and Nikki didn't get on as well as we should have, I moved in with Anna and nick when I was 16 and still live their now but just with Anna now that's a different story though, erm I got pregnant with twins my ex their dad left me when I found out one twin had sadly passed inside of me,I carried still then gave birth to Betsi at home, Christmas Day 2017 which was a whirl wind but I wouldn't change any of it, my boyfriend Theo has took Betsi on and we are stronger than ever but mine and Nikki relationship is strained still and after Christmas Day she never really bothered with me and I just went off the rails then a few weeks back I left my family to sort myself out for the better without a word' I nodded and Rach got up and hugged me tight 'well despite it being 4 years, we love you to the moon and back still and have thought about you everyday but when you change your number and block us on social media it's hard to keep in touch, we honestly thought we'd never see you again' she told us and I just shrugged because if it wasnt for me bumping into them, they probably wouldn't have I had no reason to stay in contact. 'So your little life has been through a lot, that really breaks my heart and all those years ago if I'd of stepped up I could have been close enough to help you sort it' john shrugged 'don't beat yourself up, I'm not even your kid I'm not surprised you didn't step up' I sighed 'hey...I thought you were, up until it all came out that is' he said shaking his head and I just stayed silent. A good half hour had passed since we spoke and it fell silent 'I'm sorry for just piling at your feet' I spoke up 'hey don't apologise, we offered' Rach told me 'yeah we offered plus, no matter everyone thinks, how long we haven't seen each other, I still thought you were my kid so back with your real family or not, you'll always be mine' john said and I just nodded, I didn't really know what to say to that because let's be real he wasn't the best dad before we lost contact 'I just can't believe how long it's been since we last spoke and how beautiful and grown up you are, it's amazing' john smiled from ear to ear and I just giggled, I felt awkward I wasn't supposed to end up here, my life was planned without them in it and here I am back, as an adult with my own child sitting on their couch talking and staying with them. 'Can I go to bed' I asked 'of course, I'll take you up' Rach said 'night dad..thanks for tonight' I nodded 'anytime and anything for you' he smiled and I followed Rach up 'thankyou' I smiled as she handed me my case and shut my curtains and stuff 'thank you for coming back, you've made his year' she told me and I just laughed 'don't go that far, but you're welcome. I think it was good to get to know you lot again' I nodded 'yeah it was, we've missed you and hopefully one day we can meet that gorgeous little girl of yours' she said as she approached the door 'yes of course, one day' I nodded and she left and I laid down. I missed her so much but maybe a few days here and then I'll go home I just want a clear mind before I get myself in to much of a mess and let Betsi down.