Life of Libby nelson

Chapter 24

It's Monday,wich doesn't make a difference to us at the moment,I'm not going to school it's been 3 days since we found out about josh and Siri,mum had to go identify him yesterday,he's having an autopsy on Wednesday and then his funeral hopefully can be done by Friday or next Monday and siris will be next week sometime. I am dreading every moment or the future. Felicitie is still with her aunty perrie she should be home tomorrow but Jesy is in no fit state to look after her none of us are really.

I'm lying on Jesy right now,john is up in bed still and Jordan had to go to rehearsals and to see his mum before they move to America next weekend so he will be staying at hers for the time being and just visiting during the day,Jesy hasn't even been sleeping at home anyways she's been in my bed with me, mum has finally started moving around but only for a shower and the toilet,she's had some toast this morning that I made her,I feel if none of us move around the house and don't do out and we all just sit here grieving I feel we will all just fall into depression and the family will fall apart so I've been doing things around the house like cleaning and making mum and Jesy food,johns been in and out to Abbie's he's okay now but men always are aren't they..they only show so much emotion until it's all gone and they just carry on with life. I got up and stood up and looked in the mirror ugh,I haven't wore makeup since it happened and I look so drained,my long blondeish curly hair is just stuffed up on top of my head as usual,I'm not wearing one of my tracksuits today though I have my black and white tartan leggings and a black belly top and my black converse. 'Where are you going' my mum asked with nill emotion 'I think I'm gunna take a walk,go see floss or something' I sighed 'don't be to long' she said quickly 'mum I'm fine I don't need you to keep a time track on me I promise I'm okay..would you like some food' I asked and she nodded 'what do you want' I asked 'maybe just a sand which' she smiled softly I went off to make her a sandwich and why not make Jesy one too. I took a drink and a sandwich into them both, jess was lying down on the couch and mum was staring into space again 'mum' I said and put the plate next to her and then bent down to Jesy and put the food next on the floor infront of her 'you are keeping this family going' I heard her whisper and then kiss my forehead 'Im doing my best I promise' I said and stud up,I really wanted to ask my mum something but I don't know..'mum..can you take me to see josh' I asked and she just looked up at me 'no' she bluntly said 'I'll go myself' I said and she knew I would as I don't really pay much attention to my family 'no wait okay Jesy or john will take you' she said 'but I want you mum,you can't keep in hiding forever' I said quite angry 'I'll take you be back for 3pm' jess piped in ever so quiet 'I want my old mum back' I said 'I've just lost my son what do you expect me to do' she said 'I expect you to pick your self up and actually start figuring things out and trying to carry on but your not your sitting around doping and depending on me,I expect you to come visit my brother with me,right now I'm the only thing keeping this family together,if we all sat on the sofa all day everyday we will all go into depression and we will all fall apart and I don't want that to happen that's why I'm trying my best to do certain things around the house and get out at least once a day,it's been 3 days mum you can still grieve even though your up and about' I said crying again 'don't cry babe' Jesy said 'I have to I'm still grieving I'm just doing it in my own way' I said 'I'm doing it in my own way' mum said 'by shutting your kids off..go ahead it's hurting us more than we already are' I said and grabbed my coat and walked off,heading to Perries.

I knocked on and walked in,she was sat playing with felicitie on the floor as usual and this time zayn wasn't here,he's on tour I guess,she spotted me and I went over to them and she got up and I just wrapped my arms around her 'how are you feeling today' she asked 'rubbish,drained,sad,angry,annoyed' I said and gripped on tighter 'there all understandable,it's gunna take a while to sink in it only happened the other day babe,but you have all of us to keep you strong' she said whilst stroking my hair 'not my mam or Jesy,there always lying around or not eating unless I force them it's been me running round after everyone and doing stuff in the house pez' I cried 'you can stay here anytime you know for a break' I just nodded at her 'I haven't even seen carter since the party on Friday he text me I just want to see him but I can't bring myself to it' I said 'why babe' she asked raising her eye brow 'because perrie he still has his big brother to look up at and I don't' I cried 'aw babe shh shh everything is gunna be okay' she soothed until flossy started crying. She let go and went over to felicitie and picked her up and put her dummy in and I sat on the couch 'so how is it being a part time mum' I giggled 'it's good,fun Infact I really love it it gets me so excited to be a mam' she smiled 'well why don't you try for one' I wiggled my brows 'what's the point I'd practically be a single mam,zayn is never here is he' she sighed 'but you have been a single one to felicitie this last 3 days and you've done a perfect job with your niece so why not your own' I asked 'I'm only 20 anyways' she laughed 'oh yeah I forget your the youngest,so what who cares how old you are,you have enough money to support him or her' I reminded her 'hmm maybe' she said as she rocked felicitie back and fourth 'boy or girl' I asked 'either boy because no periods,no bitchiness,no petty arguments over makeup and no cheek to her mama bear' she laughed 'but come on perrie you know you want a girl' I said 'fine I give in yes I'd love a girl but zayn has always talked about boys he's adamant he doesnt ever want girls' she said 'but you will be there looking after him or her' I sighed 'your right anyways enough baby talk how are things back at the house' she asked I took a long pause and signed