Life of Libby nelson

Chapter 57

Nikkis P.O.V.

I sat staring into my tiny girls incubator, 1 whole week old and she is still fighting strong despite only being given a life expectancy of 48 hours 'merry Christmas Isabella' I smiled as her tiny chest raised up and down slowly, the ward was full of Christmas lights and decorations and all the staff that were in today were super happy but I couldn't be all I could think about was how I have one little girl fighting for hope and another little girl who is loosing hope back home and who is currently spending her first Christmas in my family without me. 'I'm just here to check on Isabella's sats' the nurse said 'yeah okay come in' I smiled and she started messing with all the machines around the incubator 'merry Christmas' she smiled 'merry Christmas to you too' I nodded 'did you get anything nice' she asked 'not yet, my boyfriend hasn't arrived yet and I don't need anything the best present I have is this one still fighting and another healthy daughter back home' I nodded 'the greatest gift of all, is your other daughter visiting today' she asked and sadness filled my throat 'no I haven't seen her since belle was born' I sighed 'you know what, I don't want to tred on water here but make time for your eldest, I had the slightest same problem, I had Betsy-jo when I was 16 and we had a brilliant bond right up until 2 years ago when I gave birth to Bonnie-rose she was 10 weeks early and I never left her side and eventually betsy got emotionally detached and felt she wasn't cared for and moved out, she moved in with my mam who by the way doesn't live in Newcastle she lives down Plymouth at just 12 years old and to this day she still won't talk to me, she's 14 in her second to last year at school and is achieving everything I ever dreamed of her achieving but without me by her side, I've tried to contact, I have done everything in my will power to make things right and she just won't accept it anymore, and each night before I sleep I pray that one day she will come through I mean it's not like I can take a trip down there everyday to beg because it's nearly 7 hours away and my mam won't do out because we don't talk she said its my problem and that I should have thought about what I was doing and who I was pushing away and I never and this is my outcome, I'm now a single mother to a 2 year old who spends 2 nights a week at her dads and on those two nights I'm alone there is nothing more I wish for than to be spending it cuddled with betsy' she said and my heart sank I did honestly feel for this poor nurse 'I'm sorry and wait what' I told her 'don't be, it's my fault it always will be, no matter how much Bonnie needed me betsy also needed me too and I never took it into account that Bonnie had a dad who could sit with her a few nights a week whereas betsy doesn't have one and she needed me and I left her for months' she said and I cut her off 'no what did you say about betsy' i asked knowing I had a  fan that travelled to lime to meet us called betsy 'that she moved to Plymouth' she said 'long curly ginger hair' I asked 'short last time I seen her..why' she asked curiously 'I have a betsy come visit me at lime, she's so genuine I love her if it's the same one..let me get my Twitter up and I'll find her account' I said 'yeah okay I go on a break in like 15 minutes could I come back' she asked 'of course' I nodded 'thankyou..and merry Christmas, Isabella is showing mighty progress..I hope you make progress with your other daughter too don't make the same mistake I did' she said and left and I swear I could cry a thousand tears right now I so wanted to let ash sit with belle for a few days and I go see Beth but I couldn't face it the thought of it makes sick.

'Hiya' the same nurse said as she entered with a bottle of pop and an apple 'come in, sit' I smiled 'daisy' she said holding her hand out 'nikki' I laughed and she nodded as if she knew who I was 'this is the betsy I know from lime' I told her and she took my phone 'that's her..that's my baby' she said and I smiled 'I haven't seen her since her curly hair was shoulder length now it's practically bum length and her face, it's more structured and her figure is awesome, I mean look at her' she cried 'go through her account if you like' I said and she scrolled through everything 'betsy-jo Mathews that's not her name ' she cried and I felt like this would be a good time to comfort her 'and all these pictures..she looks so grown up' she sighed and my heart was in bits for her 'I can help you' I said 'really' she asked with hope and I nodded 'give me time though it won't be a quick thing' I said 'of course, just please help' she said and I nodded I probably was going to be hated for this by a loyal fan but I know how it feels to not see your child and now I have Elizabeth back I couldn't imagine my life without her 'I have to go now but please take this and call or text me whenever' she said handing me her phone number 'remember what I said, make time' she told me and left and my phone went off 'merry Christmas babe, I will be up in half hour..love you' the message read and I smiled I loved ash  so much and the feelings were only getting stronger I decided I'd text Beth now I know it's only 8am but there is a chance she's up, I feel like I've been up for days but really it's only been since 6 'merry Christmas sweetheart. I hope you like all your presents and have a special day, there is nothing I wish for more than to be with you, please text back, I love you and see you soon' I typed out and sent it without thinking or adding any type of kisses or heart on to it 'merry Christmas Kirsty, thankyou for all you have done for my family, look after Beth today and I'll be home soon hopefully' I said and sent it to Kirsty  and decided to wait for a text back. The door swung open and in came Ashley dressed in a Santa hat holding a bag of presents 'merry Christmas babe' he said as he pecked my lips 'merry Christmas, I love you' I told him 'not as much as I love you' he said 'I've been thinking I wish we called belle mercy' he said and I laughed 'why' I asked 'because she's strong' he shrugged and I laughed 'so you heard from Kirsty or beth' I asked 'Kirsty..not Beth, Kirsty said she still won't budge and that she's been playing up' he said and I sighed 'I'm pushing her away' I cried 'you aren't, you are just doing what's best for Isabella' he said 'she's needs me too, I haven't exactly been mum of her life have I' I said 'and, surely she should understand' he asked 'not when you've been lied to your whole life ash' I sighed 'belle needs us the most right now, she will have to understand' he said 'it doesn't work like that' I told him 'she is old enough to make it work' he said 'she's my child too Ashley and she needs me there is only so much she will take you don't know her like I do' I said 'you don't really know her at all if I'm honest' he shrugged and I give him the biggest dirty 'you have to be kidding me' I said and he looked down and I headed for the door 'look nik I'm sorry I didn't mean that' he shouted but I'd left and headed down the ward for some fresh air it infuriated me that he said something like that he knows fine well how I feel about not being in Elizabeth's life from the start. I'd sat outside for some time now I had missed calls from Ashley but I didn't want to talk to him right now so I tried to phone the one person I wanted to see most, Elizabeth. It rang and rang and ran and there was still no answer so I tried Kirsty and after a few rings she answered 'merry Christmas' she sang down the phone 'merry Christmas babe' I smiled to my phone hearing someone familiar sounded good 'how is beth' I asked 'she's good, missing you, angry at you but she's good and yourself and belle' she asked me 'Isabella is doing great according to nurses and me I'm just drained and its straining me and ash kirsty' I said as I broke down 'you need to swap for a while you need a break, come home' she told me 'and leave the baby' I asked 'she has her dad Beth needs you' she told me and I kind of agreed for once 'okay I'm gunna do it don't tell Beth' I said 'good I won't we have room for one more at my table' she laughed 'are use in Manchester' I asked 'yeah so drive nowwww' she laughed 'ok see you soon, thanks kirsty' I smiled and hung up, I still had to go back up to Isabelle's room to get my stuff. 'You can have the draining job for a few days, I'm going home' I said bluntly 'you can't just leave' he said 'I can and I am, you haven't sat with her for one full day whilst she's been in never mind a night it's tiring Ashley and I have another child who needs my time at home if you haven't forgotten about her' I said 'of course not but she's 16 she understands' he told me 'she might but at the same time Ashley I've known her what a year maybe more and she still needs me and I still need her we are still building on each other's trust and other things she needs me' I told him 'so does Isabella' he said 'and she's had me for the last week and she hasn't had her dad..that's another thing Beth doesn't have a dad he doesn't bother, now I'm going home for a few days of normality and then I'll be back' I told him 'if you walk out of this hospital leaving me and Isabella then it's over' he said 'you are being so selfish, I've done more for Isabella in her short life than you have ever done, I'm aloud me time something you get every night and I'm aloud to go and see my other child you don't own me' I said 'I mean it nikki if you walk out of here leaving our sick child me and you are completely done' he said 'well then I guess we are done, I'll be back in a few days the nurses said I can leave her if I like but unlike you I didn't want to now you are here you can stay and watch her like I did' I said 'think about your choice nikki' he said 'oh I have, i guess it is over' I said and walked out and explained to the nurses I'd be back and they agreed.