Dark Night Dark Light

Chapter 41

My eyes open but it feels like they are still closed. I don't know how long I have been sleeping for, It could be days for all I know. Everything is dark, if I could hold my hand out in front of my face I wouldn't be able to see it. I wish that I could be able to see the sun and the feel the fresh air. The air in the hole that I am in feels stale and smells of rotting flesh. 

I wish that I could take a bath right now and cuddle in a nice big comfortable bed. That would be something that would feel like heaven right now. I feel so dirty, like it would take many baths to make me feel clean again. What I wouldn't give to get out of this situation that I have put myself in. 

My stomach growls, begging for food. I am so use to eating when I want, and having three meals a day. The last time that I ate anything was before this whole thing took place. I wonder if Aaron will try to feed me, and if so what will he try to feed me. Anything would sound good right now really. 

I feel Kelly's nose brush up against the nape of my neck and then rethink my thought about how anything would sound good right now. Fear begins to set in again as I think about how I am in a hole with a dead body. This is not something that I thought that I would ever have to go through. But here it is, a very real situation. 

I wonder if everyone has given up in the fight to get me out of this situation. I wonder if I am starting to turn into a faint memory in their minds. I would think that something would have happened by now if they were still trying to fight to get me back. 

It is good if I am becoming a memory to them. I never deserved them in the first place. It seems that since I came into their lives all I have done is bring chaos and drama. Risto was hurt badly and so was Ville. Missy and Bam lost their house in the whole thing. They all would be better off without me in their lives. 

I start to accept everything that is happening. I am looking forward to the time that Aaron brings me back to the states and I at least probably don't have to share my space with a dead person. The place that he is taking me to will be nicer than this one. It has to be. 

I wonder if Aaron will act differently in our relationship. It is not a relationship that I choose to be in, but at least it might keep others out of harms way. Now that I know just how sick he really is I know that I will never fall for another man. It would not be fair to that other man for me to love him. 

I want to vomit. I feel it rest in my throat, ready to come up. I push back the feeling as hard as I can and will it to stay in my body. I don't think that there would be anything that I would vomit up, other than stomach acid. 

I start to think of the picture that I have brought with me of the little angel boy. When Aaron and I first got together I wanted children. I have always wanted children so bad. Now I am happy that there have never been any children on our relationship. The thought of what that child would have to go through having Aaron as a father makes me want to vomit harder. I thank my lucky stars that I have never been pregnant by Aaron. I know that Aaron would use that child to his advantage to hurt me. Because people and all living things are just things in his eyes. He has never had any consideration for any living thing for as long as I can remember. 

I can remember this time where I had got a bunny from him one Valentine's day. It only took a week before Aaron poisoned it and it died. Another time I got a kitten. I loved that kitten and would play with it all of the time. At that time Aaron would be off with other girls for most of the day. That kitten turned into something like a best friend to me. The kitten was there for me when he was not. Then one day the kitten pooped in Aaron's shoe and Aaron set the cat outside and shut the door. The kitten stayed around the apartment for awhile, but every time that Aaron would open the door and see the kitten at the door he would kick it. After awhile of that the kitten left the house. I always hoped that someone else took the kitten in and that it is living a good, filling life.