Lightningstrike: So it appears that Millie's hiding from us this episode, so our next target is going to be none other than...drumroll please! . . . . BLAZESTORM! Lately, Blazestorm has been a really bad mother! She starves her kits, throws them into rivers, neglects them, and tramples on them ALL THE TIME. *sniffles*
Lightningstrike: thus, her death will have to be a slow one...
Bumblestar: If you want, I can help you. I'm all for murdering bad moms *cough cough* MILLIE.
Lightningstrike: Alright, let's do this thing.
Bumblestar: I've been thinking that we should extract snake venom and put it in her prey. We could just use death berries but that's unoriginal and doesn't cause hallucinations.
Lightningstrike: Awesome! What kind of hallucinations?
Bumblestripe: *evilly laughs* let us wait and see...
Later that day, the deed was done...
Lightningstrike: *cautiously approaches Blazestorm* hi mom.
Blazestorm: eh? Go fetch me some prey, peasant!
Bumblestripe: *points to Lightningstrike which prey had been poisoned*
Lightningstrike: *takes prey and gives it to Blazestorm*
Blazestorm: humph! Finally! Took long enough!
Lightningstrike: Sorry.
Blazestorm: Whatever, you're so annoying. *takes a bite of prey* Yuck! What is this?
Lightningstrike: Your favorite, vole.
Blazestorm: it tastes nasty!
Lightningstrike: You're probably just sick...
Blazestorm: yeah right peasant! *continues eating vole* hmm, it's not that bad.
Lightningstrike: *smirks slightly*
Blazestorm: *looks up after finishing the vole* ah, my belly's full---OMFG IS THAT AN ALPACA?! I LOVE ALPACAS!! BE THE DADDY TO MY CHILDREN, YOU SWEET AMAZING ALPCA!
Briarlight: u-um. I'm not an alpac---
Blazestorm: I LOVE U!!
Briarlight: *frantically tries to limp away*
Blazestorm: *pins Briarlight down*
Briarlight: NOOOO!
Blazestorm: *accidentally steps on Briarlight's neck* I LOOOVE YOU ALPACA~!
Millie: OMG MY BABY! YOU KILLED MY BABY!
Blazestorm: Since when were you the mother to this alpaca? *hisses* my head's starting to feel dizzy...
Millie: DIE, YOU MURDERER! *murders Blazestorm before the poison kicks in*
Millie: Now, I cannot live anymore! My precious daughter is...dead! *jumps off a cliff*
Lightningstrike: And that's how you murder a cat. Well, two cats. Two birds with one stone, amirite?
YOU ARE READING
101 Ways To Kill A Cat
RandomLet Bumblestar show you how. A/N: Do not do this to cats you may happen to know. This book is just a spoof and a joke. In fact, don't do this to anybody. Except for Frost. You can do it to Frost, because nobody cares about Frost and whether she liv...
