Bumblestar: Hello everyone, and welcome back to 101 Ways to Kill a cat-
Brambleclaw: Can I be in the intro?
Bumblestar: No, your an idiot.
Brambleclaw: You're*
Bumblestar: You can read what I'm saying?
Brambleclaw: I eat a lot of carrots.
Bumblestar: Oh.
Jayfeather: Why do I keep agreeing to come to these?
Bumblestar: *Presses paw to Jayfeather's face* ShhHHhhHhhhHh stop talking.
Jayfeather: No.
Bumblestar: Good enough!
Jayfeather: Can I please leave now?
Bumblestar: No you can't. *Coughs loudly and mutters under his breath "Because I love you"*
Jayfeather: What?
Brambleclaw: That's a really weird cough you have there.
Bumblestar: Yes, and it can only be cured by THE PAIN AND SUFFERING OF OTHERS!
Jayfeather: Wait can we go back to-
Bumblestar: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW, WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT DURING THIS EPISODE OF 101 WAYS TO KILL A CAT, WE'RE GOING TO BE ATTEMPTING TO WARP THE REALITY OF SPACE AND TIME AND KILL MILLIE USING MILLIE!
Jayfeather: That's... actually kind of impressive.
Bumblestar: I was just going to stab her with a mechanical pencil but apparently Hollyleaf is magic so I mean
Hollyleaf: *Yells from across the clearing* TAKE THAT, DWIGHT FROM SCHOOL!
Bumblestar: *Yowls* Millie, Briarlight's in trouble!
Millie: *Crashes through the undergrowth, shoving Hollyleaf into the bushes and appearing before Bumblestar* WHERE IS THE PRECIOUS
Bumblestar: She's gone through the big swirling vortex orb where you should go also because it's probably a good idea!
*Large blue swirling orb materializes in front of them*
Millie: I'LL SAVE YOU, BRIARLIGHT! *Leaps into the vortex*
Bumblestar: Any minute now...
*Portal suddenly disappears*
Bumblestar: *Sighs loudly* HOLLYLEAF!
Hollyleaf: I HAVE BROKEN ALL OF MY FACIAL REGIONS.
Bumblestar: HOLLYLEAF BRING THE PORTAL BACK!
Hollyleaf: DO NOT WANT
Brambleclaw: Do what the nice psychopath tells you.
Hollyleaf: I don't like your tone, young lady.
Brambleclaw: Aww .-.
Bumblestar: DO IT
Hollyleaf: Fine! *Clears throat* Waka waka friendly ghost, head shoulders knees and toes, turn around, strike that pose, EHHH MACARENA!
Jayfeather: Is this even real
Brambleclaw: *Whispers* Maybe it's Maybelline.
*Portal suddenly reappears and two cats fall out of it, fighting each other*
Bumblestar: And here's Millie, fighting with who appears to be also Millie!
Millie: IMPOSTER! HOW DARE YOU HURT BRIARLIGHT!
Also Millie: *Slaps Millie across the face* STOP HITTING YOURSELF
Millie: *Trips over tree branch*
Also Millie: OW MY FEETS
Millie: *Pulls out rocket launcher* GET YOUR OWN FEETS
Jayfeather: This is how I die.
Also Millie: *Pushes Millie back into the vortex* HAH TAKE THAT
Hollyleaf: *Sneezes and the portal disappears again*
Bumblestar: Where'd she go?
*Distant screaming*
Jayfeather: You guys hear that too right?
Brambleclaw: *Whispers* Weeoooeeeooooeeeooo
*Screaming gets nearer*
Jayfeather: No but really.
Also Millie: GUYS! GUYS I THINK I SEE-
*Millie falls from the sky and land of top of also Millie, killing them both*
Hollyleaf: Huh.
Bumblestar: *Quietly hands Hollyleaf a corn chip*
Hollyleaf: *Takes corn chip, nods, and slinks off into the forest*
Brambleclaw: What was that?
Bumblestar: I'm not sure but I think I just bought an alligator.
Millie: *Respawns right next to Jayfeather* COOL!
Jayfeather: *SCREAMING*
Not Millie for president.
~Frost
YOU ARE READING
101 Ways To Kill A Cat
AcakLet Bumblestar show you how. A/N: Do not do this to cats you may happen to know. This book is just a spoof and a joke. In fact, don't do this to anybody. Except for Frost. You can do it to Frost, because nobody cares about Frost and whether she liv...
