Bumblestar: Hello, and welcome to episode 100 of 101 ways to kill a cat! Since this is the one-hundredth episode, this will be extra special!
Briarlight: Uh, wouldn't it make more sense to save it for the finale--?
Bumblestar: Finale? What finale?
Briarlight: It's the 100th episode. There are 101 episodes.
Bumblestar: And your point is?
Briarlight: ...whatever
Bumblestar: Today, we're going to kill more than just MIllie! We'll also be killing Rainflower 'cause I feel like it.
Brambleclaw: Master also received a large donation of fish from a RiverClan leader
Bumblestar: *stabs casually* What? Nooooo
Bramblestar: M-Master! I just got back! I'm sure the readers m-miss me--
Bramblestar falls over dead.
Briarlight: ...that was quick.
Bumblestar: It appears we'll be killing three cats today.
Briarlight: Lovely.
Bumblestar: Now to the killing! Briarlight, do the call!
Briarlight: *muttering* two more episodes...two more episodes...MILLIE! HELP!
Millie: Briardarling? BRIARBABY?? What's wrong??
Briarlight: Wait. Uh...
Bumblestar snaps his totally-existent fingers and Millie disappears. Briarlight blinks.
Briarlight: Wait. What?
Bumblestar: *cackles* This'll be great. *snaps fingers again*
Bumblestar and Briarlight appear in the middle of what is apparently a massive arena. Millie is behind bars on one side, but the cage on the other side is empty.
Millie: W-What's happening? Briardarling, where are you??
Bumblestar: *ignores* BRING IN RAINFLOWER!
An annoyed-looking Rainflower appears in the empty cage.
Rainflower: Why am I here?
Bumblestar: 'Cause you suck.
Briarlight: HELP!
Briarlight is suspended in a giant floating cage above the arena.
Millie: BRIARBABY! NO!
Rainflower: Ew, a disfigured cat.
Bramblestar: Hi, ladies! Today, you'll be fighting to the death! MIllie, if you win, I'll free Briarlight. And, uh, Rainflower...
Rainflower: Can I kill the disfigured cat?
Bumblestar: *eye twitches* Fine.
Briarlight: Hey!
Bumblestar: FIGHT!
The cages open and the two she-cat fly at each other.
Brackenfur: Hello, and welcome to the first ever Worst Moms Ever Fight! Our contestants today are Millie, who ignores all of her kits but one, and Rainflower, who changed her son's name because he was ugly!
Bumblestar: ...what are you doing here?
Brackenfur: I had to get a job after How To Get a Cookie ended.
Bumblestar: I see.
Brackenfur: Millie makes a swipe at Rainflower! Rainflower ducks and rolls easily, slashing at Millie's legs. Millie falls to the ground! Will Rainflower emerge triumphant?
Millie: NO! I will not fail Briarbaby!
Brackenfur:Millie struggles back to her paws, determination in her eyes! She lunges at Rainflower--
Rainflower: Lol prepare to lose
Brackenfur: --Rainflower pins her down. Is she going-- yes, she's going for the kill--
There is a snap
Brackenfur: Oo, that looks like it hurt.
Millie: Noooo *gurgles* sorry Briarlight BLEH
Brackenfur:Rainflower is triumphant!
Rainflower: Awesome, can I kill the disfigured cat now?
Bumblestar: Sure! I'll lower the cage!
The cage containing Briarlight falls with a snap of Bumblestar's fingers and squashes Rainflower flat.
Bumblestar: Lol I can't believe she fell for that
Brackenfur: That concludes today's episode! Tune in soon for the conclusion
Bumblestar: Wait, conclusion--?
Camera cat: CUT
~by ember
YOU ARE READING
101 Ways To Kill A Cat
SonstigesLet Bumblestar show you how. A/N: Do not do this to cats you may happen to know. This book is just a spoof and a joke. In fact, don't do this to anybody. Except for Frost. You can do it to Frost, because nobody cares about Frost and whether she liv...
