Bumblestar: Hello, and welcome to...
*Crazystar storms in, muttering, "One last ride and then it's night-night forever."*
Bumblestar: Wow, I haven't seen you in a long time. Where have you been?
Crazystar: I returned to the mother planet, which is quite a long journey. The commencement of the invasion has been accelerated.
Bumblestar: What are you talking about?
Crazystar: Oh, don't worry about it, Earth's enslavement is inevitable! Anyhow, today, I'm going to test a disposal method on Millie that we'll use on any creatures that resist.
Bumblestar: Disposal? You mean killing, right?
Crazystar: No duh, Sherlock. What kind of murderer are you?! Now, I'm going to get Millie to board my spaceship and we're going to fly to the center of the galaxy.
Bumblestar: Your what?!
Crazystar: *shakes head* primitives...MILLIE! BRIARLIGHT HAS BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND WE NEED TO GO RESCUE HER! COME BOARD MY SPACESHIP!
Millie: LET'S GO! MY POOR BRIARLIGHT IS STUCK ON ANOTHER PLANET!
*Crazystar pilots the ship to the center of the Milky Way*
Crazystar: Okay Millie, put on this spacesuit and we're going to launch you out of this cannon. It'll send you to the alien world where Briarlight is being held hostage!
Millie: CANNONBALL!
*Crazystar launches Millie out of the spaceship. Millie hurtles forward, then begins to slow down, floating idly in a certain direction*
Bumblestar: She doesn't look very...dead? What, are you waiting for her to run out of oxygen?
Crazystar: No, you imbecile...I LAUNCHED HER AT A BLACK HOLE! THERE'S NO FRICTION IN SPACE! Due to inertia, unless she was acted on by an outside force, she wouldn't have slowed down, so there's a DEAD GIVEAWAY.
Bumblestar: I still didn't catch the part about Millie dying...
Crazystar: Uneducated fool...at the center of every galaxy, there is a massive black hole. Black holes absorb all matter, and once matter crosses the event horizon, nothing can escape, not even light. To anyone watching, like us, for objects that have crossed this threshold, time literally seems to freeze; she will appear to move indefinitely and we will probably die of old age before Millie passes away! But for Millie, her absorption into the black hole will be fluid and instantaneous. WHAT DO YOU LEARN IN YOUR SCHOOLS?!
Bumblestar: Useless, boring information like the Quadratic Formula and the Periodic Table. Where's the part where she dies already?
Crazystar: You're hopeless....the gravity inside of a black hole is insanely strong; with Millie entering headfirst, her feet will be attracted more weakly than her head, which will cause her body to be stretched. Pretty much, it's like being on the rack times 1000!!! :DDD Eventually, after excruciating pain, her body will literally be ripped in half at which point she dies! And then, the remains of her body will be stretched for all eternity and she will be torn apart atom by atom as she is pulled toward the singularity, which is the center of the black hole! :DDD SO EXCITING!
Bumblestar: Well....ummmmmm.....That's it for this very strange and enlightening episode of 101 Ways to Kill A Cat? Why do I get the feeling that Crazystar is plotting to take over our planet and torture everyone?
Crazystar: Well...the giant armada of spaceships heading toward Earth kind of gave it away...
A/N: Crazystar writing here, back from the dead, a bit literally :P Hope you guys enjoyed!
YOU ARE READING
101 Ways To Kill A Cat
AcakLet Bumblestar show you how. A/N: Do not do this to cats you may happen to know. This book is just a spoof and a joke. In fact, don't do this to anybody. Except for Frost. You can do it to Frost, because nobody cares about Frost and whether she liv...
