101 Ways To Kill A Cat

Episode Seventy

Guess what? It's another Duskie episode.

And stuff's about to get gruesome, so watch out.

Alright, no, seriously, this is really disturbing guys.

Bumblestar: BRAMBLECLAW!

Brambleclaw: *looks up from episode of Discovery Channel* Wha-?

Bumblestar: I've decided that we need to up the gore factor on our show. It's supposed to be a killing show, by StarClan! Where's the gore? Where's the blood?

Brambleclaw: Bumblestar, you know the same mystical force that respawns Millie every time cleans up the floor after every episode. And that's good, seeing as we don't have any cleaning employees hired anyways-

Bumblestar: What're you talking about? Of course we have a cleaning employee. That's the entire reason why you're here.

Brambleclaw: What? I'm no cleaning employee!

Bumblestar: *casts exasperated glance* Didn't you read the contract at all? *holds up long piece of paper*

Brambleclaw: *looks utterly confused* What contract? *understanding dawns on face* Wait...that dream I had where I signed a binding contract that would essentially make me your slave for all my life...the one where I woke up and was really really glad it wasn't real? 

Bumblestar: *smug look*

Brambleclaw: WAS I SLEEPWALKING AGAIN? YOU MUST'VE KNOWN I WAS SLEEPWALKING, YOU LITTLE-

Bumblestar: Shut up, Brambleclaw. Obey the contract. Now go get Millie. I've acquired some alien tech from my distant friends.

Brambleclaw: That was a terrible pun. And fine. *teleports away to Millie*

Millie: *on top of medicine cat den, watching down through small gap in den material*

Brambleclaw: Millie...what are you doing?

Millie: Just stalking my Briar-what? No, nothing, I mean, that is, I'm not doing a thing, I'm just sitting here-

Brambleclaw: *cocks non-existent eyebrow* Sitting here...on top of the medicine cat den for no reason?

Millie: Precisely! Yes! I'm so glad you understand!

Brambleclaw: *shakes head* Never mind. Anyways, you've got to come with me. 

Millie: Where?

Brambleclaw: I - um - oh yeah! Bumblestar just got a shipment of cameras. They're from the Duskie Company. Top-notch, they say. You'd never see them - even the watchers sometimes forget they're there.

Millie: *perks up* Oh yeah? 

Brambleclaw: *nods as sly smile creeps across face* Oh, yeah.

Millie: Well, let's go then! 

Brambleclaw: *teleports both cats back to Bumblestar*

Bumblestar: *stands intimidatingly in front of steel gray table with suspiciously sharp glinting instruments suspended above it* Ah, Millie, you've arrived! I've been expecting you. *gives slightly mad, creepy smile*

Millie: Oh, yes, Brambleclaw's told me all about the cameras! 

Bumblestar: *frowns* Wha-? *shakes head* Never mind. Anyways, I want you to lie down on this massage table here. Got it from some of my friends. *gestures to dark wispy shapes floating in distance as thunder crackles threateningly above*

Millie: Ooh...this looks very...cool. 

Bumblestar: Yup! Now hop right on!

Millie: Okay...*climbs up stepstool and lies down on table*

Bumblestar: On your back, Millie! On your back!

Millie: *awkwardly rolls into position* Bumblestar...this really isn't very comfortable. *eyes sharp instruments*

Bumblestar: Don't worry! It'll all get better soon...give it some time...and you won't be feeling anything at all. *starts to laugh evilly*

Millie: Bumblestar-? *breaks off as jagged wheel begins to spin and move closer*

Metal straps whip around from under table and over Millie's body, lashing over her limbs and stomach, painfully wrenching her legs back and leaving her mouth free to scream. Blood arcs almost elegantly as her skin is split by a thin blade onto Bumblestar's face as the evil leader opens his jaws in mad laughter. Peircing screams ring through the air as Brambleclaw turns his face away, a sickening nausea rising in his stomach. Pieces of flesh are flung into the air as-

Yeah, that's probably a good place to stop.

Wow I am really disturbing today