*I've never watched the Nat Geo show Remote Survival, so the way it'll be carried out is how I imagine it to be and is not accurate.*
Bumblestar: Welcome back to 101 WAYS TO KILL A CAT!
*recorded clapping and cheers are played*
Bumblestar: You all must remember the episode we did with the Discovery Channel, don't you? I believe it was Episode Twenty-Seven-
Brambleclaw: OH YES I REMEMBER IT WAS WHEN-
Bumblestar: Okay, Brambleclaw-
Brambleclaw: BOBBOBOBOBO-
Bumblestar: BRAMBLECLAW THAT'S ENOUGH
Brambleclaw: *slinks away looking offended*
Bumblestar: Ugh. I'm so sick of Discovery Channel reruns. *turns back to camera* BUT ANYWAYS, 101 Ways to Kill a Cat has partnered up with National Geographic to do a collab episode of their show, Remote Survival! So give a round of applause for Nat Geo!"
*recorded clapping plays as three people come onto the stage*
Mr. Sir Edward Wilbur Charles Leonard Harrison C. Shufflebottom: *speaks in a prim and proper British accent, sounding just like Hazel* Why hello there, young ruffians! My name is Mr. Sir Edward Wilbur Charles Leonard Harrison C. Shufflebottom! You may refer to me as Mr. Sir Edward Wilbur Charles Leonard Harrison Shufflebottom! I am most pleased to meet thou, daresay I!
Joe: *speaks in a thick Southern drawl, sounding exactly like Annco* Mah' name's Joe. Jus' Joe. Ain't got no las' name, ain't nevah 'ad no las' name. Ah'm from Looooo-eeeeee-siiiii-aaaa-nuh.
Charlotte Hale: *is a two-year old* Shurlut. Me!
Bumblestar: Our three contestants shall be forced to live through extremely harsh weather on an uninhabited island for three days - surviving on nothing but respawned Millies!
*recorded horrified audience noises*
Bumblestar: Let's go, then! *snaps fingers and helicopter appears*
*contestants and Bumblestar file in helicopter and fly to island*
Bumblestar: *screaming through wind whilst hanging parachutes to contestants* SO THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO JUMP OUT OF HELICOPTER AND HOPEFULLY LAND ON THE ISLAND WITHOUT MISSING AND POTENTIALLY DROWNING! SHURLUT! YOU FIRST!
Charlotte: *clips on parachute with the ease of a master and jumps* KAAANUHHBAAAAHHHH!!! *does about three hundred expert gymnast-worthy flips whilst in air and lands perfectly in center of island on top of a respawned Millie*
Cloudtail: *is flying the helicopter* *murmurs to co-pilot* Is it just me, or is there something a bit unnatural about that kid? Something just seems...off...
Crookedstar: *struggling to get headphones to fit properly over, you know, the crooked jaw* Want me...hit up...old friends...Winchesters? *voice fades in and out due to unstable microphone*
Bumblestar: *shouts down to island* Great piece of art there, kid! We'll leave that piece of land's blood-red as a moment of your time here! *turns to Joe* Alright then, Joe, are you ready to-
Joe: Ain't ah evah not been reddah, no ah ain't, mah momma, bless 'er, she tol' mah that ah gotta always be reddah, eh? Nevah fall back, eh? One a' the bes' bits o' advice she evah gave me, bless 'er. Well, that an' "Don' ya trus' dem Canadios, Joe. Not 'em Britians eithah."
Bumblestar: Um...okay...uh well, anyways, Joe, let's see you off, shall we? Come on, hop on out!
Joe: *takes deep breath and opens mouth*
YOU ARE READING
101 Ways To Kill A Cat
LosoweLet Bumblestar show you how. A/N: Do not do this to cats you may happen to know. This book is just a spoof and a joke. In fact, don't do this to anybody. Except for Frost. You can do it to Frost, because nobody cares about Frost and whether she liv...
