Bumblestar: Hello, and welcome to episode 99 of 101 Ways to Kill a Cat!
Briarlight: Wait, 99? We're almost done!
Bumblestar: *sigh* Don't remind me.
Briarlight: Thank StarClan. This was fun but now it's just boring.
Bumblestar: ...thanks. Anyway, let's get on with killing Millie!
Briarlight: Aren't you going to tell us how you're going to do it?
Bumblestar: But that'll ruin it!!1!1!
Briarlight: ...ohhhhhkay
Bumblestar: Anyway, sis, just jump in this...uh...box thing. Do cats know what boxes are called? Whatever, doesn't matter. Just get in.
Briarlight *dramatic sigh* Fine.
Briarlight drags herself into the box, which is suspended by a handle kind of like those baskets you use in grocery stores. Bumblestar pressed a button and it rises into the air.
Briarlight: WHOA I did NOT sign up for this!
Bumblestar: pfft i don't care. Millie! Briarlight's in trouble!
Millie poofs into existence.
Millie: BRIARBABY??? WHERE ARE YOU???!!
Briarlight: *bored* I'm up here, mom.
Millie: OH NO! BRIARBABY I'LL SAVE YOU!
Bumblestar: *grinning evilly* You'll have to endure something if you want me to set Briarlight free.
Millie: Anything for my only child!
Bumblestar: *eye twitches* Riiiight. Ok. Drumroll?
Some cat offstage does a really bad drumroll.
Bumblestar: ...k, i can work with that. MILLIE! Are you ready for your first question?
Millie: Anything for Briarbaby!
Bumblestar: Ok! Here it is!
Bumblestar clicks a clicker in his paw and points it at a projector. The projector turns on and an error message appears.
Bumblestar: Mouse dung!
Millie: *offhandedly* Language
Bumblestar: You don't get to be my mom! Ok, whatever, I'll just tell you! Why can't you run through a campground?
Millie: Uh, my legs are broken?
Bumblestar: No.
Millie: My spine is broken?
Bumblestar: NO
Millie: I'm Briarlight??
Briarlight: MOM SHUT UP
Bumblestar: NO! It's because...you can only ran, because it's past tents.
Millie cringes horribly.
Millie: OW that was so bad it was painful
Briarlight: Yeah that was pretty awful. Please don't kill me along with my mother.
Millie: What?
Briarlight: Nothing mom!
Bumblestar: muahahaha. Ok! Next question: (drumroll intensifies) What sound does a sleeping T-rex make?
Millie: Uhhhh...no noise?
Bumblestar: No
Millie: Sobs because his legs are paralyzed?
Briarlight: MOM
Millie: What?
Bumblestar: *sighing obnoxiously* NO
Millie: I give up!
Bumblestar: Wait for it...wait for it...a DINO-SNORE! Get it??
Millie: OWWWW
Bumblestar: MUAHAHA
Briarlight: you're killing me too
Bumblestar: *cough* collateral damage *cough*
Briarlight: wHAT DID YOU SAY?
Millie: Yeah, what did you say to my poor, paralyzed Briarbaby??
Briarlight: SHUT THE #$@^ UP MOM
Millie: *gasp* WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT
Briarlight: I have ears, mom. Now please sTOP REFERRING TO ME AS AN INVALID
Millie: I would never!
Briarlight: ...bumblestar, ask her the next question.
A health bar appears randomly on top of millie's head, showing how much cringe damage she has taken. It reads 50%.
Bumblestar: Ok, then! Next question! What do you call an enthusiastic chicken?
Millie: What is a chicken?
Briarlight: You don't know what a chicken is, yet you understood dinosaur...never mind.
Bumblestar: They're birds.
Millie: Wait, are they birds with working appendages???
Briarlight: MOOOOOM
Millie: What?
Bumblestar: No. Eggcitable! Get it? Because chickens lay eggs??
Millie's cringe damage bar now reads 76%.
Millie: If I get this one right, are you going to let Briarlight go?
Bumblestar: Uhhhh...of course! Ok, here it is... What's the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber?
Millie: One is paralyzed?
Briarlight: Bumblestar, if you don't kill her, I'm doing it myself
Bumblestar: Fine with me
Millie: UHMM one is angry?
Bumblestar: No. One more guess
Millie: Wait, since when was there an answer limit?
Bumblestar: Ever since Ember got lazy
Millie: ok! Uh, becuase one was roman??
Bumblestar: NOPE! One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman!
Millie.exe has stopped working
Briarlight: Uh, she's just standing there, frozen. Can you let me down?
Bumblestar: Sure.
Briarlight is thrown out of the box, landing on Millie's head. There's a splat, and Briarlight cringes.
Briarlight: Is she dead?
Bumblestar: Well, she better be, because I ran out of puns. See you soon, guys!
Briarlight: wait, who are you talk--
AND CUT
Brought to you be Ember™
YOU ARE READING
101 Ways To Kill A Cat
RandomLet Bumblestar show you how. A/N: Do not do this to cats you may happen to know. This book is just a spoof and a joke. In fact, don't do this to anybody. Except for Frost. You can do it to Frost, because nobody cares about Frost and whether she liv...
