21 May 2016
Dear diary,
Nayeon transferred to Chundak. Though now's a Saturday so she won't go to school until Monday, obviously. But, I don't know, these days... I'm not myself. I put my LINE statuses as something vague or sad lyrics that express how I'm feeling, yet, when people ask if I'm okay (because they read my LINE status) I lie to them, saying that they're just lyrics from a song I like. I've been like this for a long time. Always lying about how I feel to people. But I'm aware of how I really feel and that's what counts, right?
Currently, my status on LINE is something in English. It's a good thing I learn little bits of English on my own. So that I can put my status as something concerning my feelings, but they wouldn't understand any of it because they're English isn't really good. Right now, I have it set as I feel like nobody cares.
I said I hated seeing people who go through depression but look at me. I'm now going through the same thing and I hate it. I want to climb out of this stupid black hole. After all, what has it ever done for me, am I right?
I try to find the reason to why I'm like this and then it hit meㅡI was afraid of being forgotten. So these days, Seungkwan only focuses on Nayeon and even when I'm chatting with them in the group, it would feel as if I wasn't there. I feel like I'm getting ignored but I try my best to shrug it off. Seungkwan and Nayeon hold no feelings for each other, that I'm sure of. After all, Seungkwan just got dumped recently and he's the type whose feelings will linger until a longer time. Nayeon, on the other hand, hasn't had a crush since last year. They're doing this "couple" thing for fun and games.
Maybe that's just it. I'm jealous. Not because of them, but because Nayeon will go back to Chundak and study there. She'll be with everyone I've been missing everyday. I guess I'm jealous of that.
It seems like everyone's giving most of their attention to Nayeon and her transferring to Chundak and somehow, I feel like I'm ignored and unimportant but I'm not even sure if it's only for now. I'm hoping this is only for temporary and that I'll only be feeling like this for now.
Love,
Mandu
(Baek Dohui)
~Author's Notes~
We've still got a long way to go, Kimichies. This book's a long one though the chapters are short, hehe :)
xoxo
Byun Sang Kyung
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Diary of a Mandu
FanfictionA diary of a girl whose nickname is Mandu. Indulge into her world as she tries to live it the way she wants it. Though we all know life has their own plans on how you'll live your life. And it's not every time it'll come in a pretty package. · A...
