Diary of a Mandu

oddly

15 September 2016

Dear diary,

I heard from my friend that her friend likes Jun. Why do I feel jealous? I denied the feeling of jealousy million of times thinking it was the after effect of getting over him and that I'd be over it short after but it's been two days. The weird feeling isn't going away. What am I supposed to do? I want some kind of distraction from him but his class is right next door. I even go to his class for classesㅡ I even have classes with him! He's there in my life and he'll be like some kind of painful reminder whether I like it or not.

Times like these makes me wish I was still back in Chundak, where there aren't any handsome guys who likes me (because in all honesty, Chundak didn't have any hot boys). I wouldn't be dealing with stressful and emotional things like these and only concentrate about having fun with my friends up until I graduate. That should've been reality, not some dream. This should've been reality, not a dream. Why is everything so messed up?

On the bright side, Jennie hasn't given up on him yet. It's just lowkey now, totally not a crush, more like an admiration, she says. She also says that he's asking about me more less and concentrating more on her.

EEEEEEEEEE!!! ♥

If only my love story was just as simple and fluffy as it used to be. I wonder who the next victim would be. Haha, I make my love life sound so depressing. Only because it really is.

Oh, I just remembered something. It's about Joshua and I think it happened three days ago? Basically, I received a message from him which said:

Joshua: jun is perfect boyfriend material for you ;)

Okay, what. He wasn't the only one who said the same thing. Mingyu actually once texted me in the morning asking about how I thought about Jun and all and even asked if he was boyfriend material. Of course, I didn't answer that and, instead, replied:

Dohui: if you thought I'd tell you HAHAHA pssh as if I would tell you that

Okay, back to Joshua. So basically, Joshua and I texted and he went on about how cute Jun and I looked together and even kept repeating the words "I SHIP". I get it Jisoo, we're cute, like everyone is saying but it's over, what's the point right now? Uh oh, I sound salty right now. But of course, it's normal for me to act this way. I mean, I got rejected. But that doesn't mean I should sob over some guy. That clearly shows that we're not meant to be and that there's someone else out there that was made just for me. I don't know how long it'll take for me to meet the one, but after a lot of failed crushes, I'm sure I'll find him.

See, this is how I deal with rejection: if I know from them that they don't like me, I'll feel free. I'll feel as if I was some caged bird who was finally freed. Sure, I'll feel pain once in a while but there will be one day where I'll look at his face, remember all of those painful memories we both made each other go through, and smile. Not a fake one but a real genuine one. That day will come, I just know it.

Love,
Mandu
(Baek Dohui)

~Author's Notes~

Two more chapters and I'm posting them all today! :)