Diary of a Mandu

espresso

11 June 2016

Dear diary,

Jun and Mingyu came to our class today to borrow a book from us. The moment Jun's head popped out from the door, some of my classmates began teasing me. I ignored most of it, laughed it off even, but deep down, I was slightly affected. Slightly sad. Sua didn't know this. She only knew that I moved on and that the both of us were just friends who wouldn't text each other frequently because he still thought he was a nuisance to me.

I felt two emotions from what has happenedㅡanger and sadness. And it keeps switching. The feelings, I mean. One moment, I'm mad at him and am so done with him but the next, I'm sad and I want to try again. Get everything back to normal.

What should I do? What am I supposed to do? Sua is telling me to give up. I know very well I should. But why am I still holding back? Why must I hold back? It was horrible. I don't like it.

I guess he wants to stay away from me too. I bet he's not over me yet that's why he doesn't want to chat with me often. He's in the process of trying to forget, to get over me. I was just the same. But how could I? We saw each other almost everyday. Every time I would see him, I get reminded. It's not like I want to get reminded. But it's almost as it's inevitable.

Love,
Mandu
(Baek Dohui)