Diary of a Mandu

일기 #32

27 May 2016

Dear diary,

So a few moments ago, I had a chat with Sojin. She asked me if I was fine because she realized that I was being a little emo these days. The first thing that came to mind when she asked that was she noticed. She noticed that I wasn't myself. She noticed when I was trying so hard to hide it, especially from her. It would be weird to someone if they found out that I was hiding my feelings even from my own best friend who I've been friends with for six years but that was how I go. I don't know, I just feel like I might hurt her because I hid these feelings to myself. Anyway, so the chat went a little something like this (I won't write what we exactly said since I can't remember but I remember the gist of it).

Sojin: mandu, are you okay? I noticed that these days you're kind of emo

Dohui: huh? Oh, I'm just a little sad these days but I'll be fine! Eyyy, it's me, mandu! I can deal with these things ;)

Sojin: is something wrong? You can talk to me about it. Just let it out

Note: since I transferred out of Chundak, Sojin doesn't really have friends with her and she ended up in a class with all those b*tchy people so she gets stressed and frustrated by everything there that she sometimes becomes emo. Usually, she'd release it out in our LINE group chat and none of us bother because we know it's better to let it out

Dohui: ahh, I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you next time, once I'm over it :) 

Sojin: you can tell me. Let it out

Dohui: let me deal with it first, then I'll tell you in the future. Okay? I don't feel comfortable talking about it now

Sojin: ooo okay, I'll wait then :)

Sojin: I have to go now, I have private classes T~T

Dohui: HAHAHAHA have fun! BYEEE

Sojin: byeee

That was how our conversation ended. At least she noticed that I wasn't acting like myself. But I wasn't ready to talk about it. After all, even I don't know the reason to why I'm acting like this.

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It's nearly twelve midnight and nearing the next day but I'm not asleep like, which isn't like me. I have school tomorrow and I'm still up writing this. I just really want to tell you about the dude who randomly texted me two hours ago. Yes, we ended up chatting for two hours, which is a real surprise, taking that I didn't know him before he told me who he was.

Okay, so basically, it started off with a simple hi and it escalated with me questioning who he was and him replying with things such as "I'm your babe :p" "No one you should really matter about" "Someone who thinks you're attractive". It was hard to get things out of him. I even had to give him my SNS accounts just to know what class he was from but he told me a false class, which wasn't cool at all. Then I had to send voice notes of me saying things in English (all I really said in English was things regarding me begging him to tell me who he was and that I was annoyed) and he finally gave me his class. Then I had to say "I love you" in English just to get his name/identity. Me being a really curious girl, I did just that and finally got who he wasㅡJun.

Weird, isn't it? Jun, the transfer student from... I don't even remember when he transferred to our school but basically, it's the transfer student. In fact, I don't really think it's right to think of him as a transfer student since he schooled here before as well, just that he transferred to another school and came back this year. It's even weirder because in some classes, his class and my class would combine and we'd just know of each other's presence but never really bother each other. We were basically strangers.

And if I remember correctly, he has a girlfriend. Or, I'm not even sure, but if he texted me out of nowhere telling me I'm cute and attractive, I'm sure something happened between them. To me, this just feels like I'm his rebound because out of nowhere, he finds me cute when we never even talked to each other before. Out of nowhere, when he doesn't have a girlfriend, he texts me and texts me a lot of cheesy words and pickup lines. Or maybe that's just me.

He already went to sleep and I should really do the same. It's nearly twelve and it wouldn't be healthy of me if I were to sleep this late. I know, I'm already 16 (because my birthday is over, yipee) and I still don't have the hormones of a teenager. Oh, well. It doesn't really act as a disadvantage to me anyway. Good night. I'm going to sleep now.  

Love, 
Mandu
(Baek Dohui)